tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-65110885539994580232024-03-14T02:10:25.887-07:00Cal Chaycechttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.comBlogger44125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-21758850923376074652023-09-18T08:03:00.002-07:002023-09-18T08:03:35.253-07:00A Little Tenderness<iframe frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://youtube.com/embed/q7EqN7B78SE?si=SQeaEV4s7pX3ZXo8" width="480"></iframe>chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-69430339580015248982018-05-21T19:57:00.000-07:002018-05-21T19:58:31.572-07:00Dead Dog on Morningside "Dead Dog on Morningside is now fully available in both print and ebook
forms. It’s a little bit like The Sopranos, except Canadian and Irish
and with an actual ending. Support local artists and read a damn good
book by ordering here: https://www.amazon.com/Dead-Dog-Morningside-cal-chayce/dp/171920903 " ~ mike battista<br />
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Semi-retired from the violent life of a paramilitary commander during <i>The Troubles</i>,
Danno Graham has fled from Northern Ireland to Canada with his young
family. His new role is to play host to those in the organisation who
need to slip away for a wee while to avoid the heat. Now Danno enjoys
the best of both worlds: the peaceful living of Scarborough, Ontario,
and the satisfaction of still aiding the cause back in Belfast.<br />
<br />
Then Farley Duff arrives on the Grahams' doorstep.<br />
<br />
Danno’s
teenage daughter, Arlene, is immediately smitten with their brash and
charming new houseguest. But Farley's been hiding a dark side—a most
disturbing truth that puts all of Danno’s peaceful new neighbourhood in
great danger.<br />
<br />
With the code of his people on one side and his new
life in Canada on the other, Danno must decide how to set things
right—with Farley, with his family, with his neighbours, and with
himself. By the time Farley’s gone, no one in the Graham home will ever
be the same.<br />
<br />
<b>From cal chayce, author of <i>Victor of Circumstance</i> and <i>All the Fine Hungers,</i> comes a riveting new tale of crime and punishment that explores the depths of a killer's conscience.</b><br />
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<b> Also by chayce</b></div>
<b><br /></b>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu81VHS_5JnL1_vS0loOCIFL-zcAXzHkl7tA4MXIAkROW41GTJ6YCgW2PatmMiLW9FlsVCmJWUwxdGoWq5FxfsL3FuTGzNuZEsXW0K4y_bjW2njdhKX5qyQY0PUYdPEhVZ3ElxJv5LcSqw/s1600/chaycebooks.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="593" data-original-width="1541" height="123" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgu81VHS_5JnL1_vS0loOCIFL-zcAXzHkl7tA4MXIAkROW41GTJ6YCgW2PatmMiLW9FlsVCmJWUwxdGoWq5FxfsL3FuTGzNuZEsXW0K4y_bjW2njdhKX5qyQY0PUYdPEhVZ3ElxJv5LcSqw/s320/chaycebooks.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<b><br /></b>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/author/calchayce"><b>https://www.amazon.com/author/calchayce</b></a></div>
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<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>chayce books are published by <a href="http://forestcitypulp.com/" target="_blank">Forest City Pulp</a></b></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b>Current FCP authors also include...</b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b> <a href="https://www.amazon.com/author/phronk" target="_blank">P.T. Phronk</a>, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Carling-Talbot/e/B076VLJYS6" target="_blank">Carling Talbot</a>, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Leonard-Delaney/e/B00E86C4B0" target="_blank">Leonard Delaney</a>, and <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Martha-Geoffreys/e/B00WE1JA1I" target="_blank">Martha Geoffreys</a></b></div>
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<br />
<br />chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-10573039649356869022017-11-06T21:29:00.004-08:002021-05-03T18:04:43.282-07:00The 2nd Thirteen<div class="WordSection1">
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<a href="https://www.blogger.com/null" name="_Toc415799176"><b>The Second Thirteen</b></a><b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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Friday, January 1, 2000<o:p></o:p></div>
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WELL I SEE THE COMPUTERS DIDN’T DESTROY the world last night
so life must go on, I guess. In celebration of this second chance graciously
allowed us by our binary overlords I’ve decided I’m going to keep a journal.
It’s <i>not</i> a diary, and it’s not “gay” like my stepdad says. Ray thinks
anything that isn’t over-the-top macho is gay. Mom sort of gets mad at
him for that I think, but what could she do about it? My sister Amy tells him
off though. She’s the only one in the family who isn’t mean to me. For a
sister, Amy’s pretty fantastic.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So my English teacher Mr. Dinsmore says keeping a daily
journal is an awesome thing to do. Says he’s kept one since he was a kid in the
seventies or eighties and looking back on your thoughts when you’re old is
really fun. And Mr. Dinsmore’s wife has the biggest boobs I’ve ever seen so
he’s pretty cool and not gay at all. Whoever gets the hottest girl is obviously
the coolest guy and if you want a good looking girl too then you damn well
better pay attention to how the cool guys get them. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Anyway it’s the very first day of a new year and a new
decade. People said it was a new century and millennium too but math says that’s
not until next year and I trust math more than people. Still, I figured it was
the perfect time to start my journal that I’ll be faithfully maintaining every
single day until I grow up and get a sexy wife with big boobs like Mrs.
Dinsmore.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Tuesday, September 6, 2000<o:p></o:p></div>
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I guess I’m a little behind on my entries.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I just started the eighth grade today and we all have to
keep a journal for English class, even the boys, so I remembered I had this one
that I had started before and figured I could use it. I don’t know what to
write in the stupid thing. It’s hard to write stuff when you’re told you have
to. My dog died so I guess I could write about that. She was thirteen, same as me,
and I had her all my life. My sister Amy cried. So did I. Ray says we need a
new dog right away but no dog could ever replace Daisy. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I have to write 150 words a day which sure seems like a lot
when you have nothing to say but I guess I’m done for now. Wait, hang on...
okay, now I am.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Wednesday, September 7, 2000<o:p></o:p></div>
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My mom and Ray were fighting last night about getting a new
dog. My mom says no and Ray says yes, so we’re getting one. Mom’s mad and Ray’s
all excited. I don’t know why. It’s not like he cared about Daisy and he won’t
care about this one either.<o:p></o:p></div>
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What to write about? We’re going to be learning about
Shakespeare in this class. I’m not looking forward to that. I hate the way they
talk. It doesn’t even make sense. Why can’t we read books by people who didn’t
die a million years ago? People who speak English properly. Like, it <i>is</i>
English class! The book is a play and it’s called “As You Like It”. So far,
guess what? I don’t like it! I like math way better. Everything has an answer
there. None of this “interpreting” stuff. Who knows who’s right? English
teachers just make shit up.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Monday, September 12, 2000<o:p></o:p></div>
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Well damn, I missed a few days. Mr. Jordan says as long as I
have the right word count by the end of the week he won’t deduct marks, which
is cool but I really don’t feel like writing that much.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Anyway, surprise surprise, we got a new dog on the weekend!
She’s pretty awesome actually. She crapped on the dining room floor as soon as
we brought her home but she hasn’t done it since. She learns really fast. I
wanted to call her Scamper because she looks like a scamp and my mom liked that
but Ray wanted to call her Blaze because he says “Blaze is a bad-ass name,” so
it’s Blaze.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Mr. Jordan was going on about that Shakespeare book today
and part of it sounded pretty neat. At least it got me thinking about math. He
(Shakespeare) says in the book that Man has seven stages in life and he goes on
to list them. I wrote them down, kind of, and it almost works that you can
divide each stage into thirteen years: seven thirteen-year stages.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So I realized that since dogs live for about thirteen years
(Daisy did anyway), a guy can have seven dogs in his life – one for each of the
seven stages. Cool, huh? I had Daisy for my first thirteen years, when I was
mewling and puking and all that and now I’ve got Blaze for the second thirteen.
Unless she gets hits by a bus or something but we can’t consider all the
variables like that. When Blaze dies of old age it’ll be 2013 and I’ll turn
twenty-six that year. I’ll be finished my whining schoolboy phase and be
checking out my mistress’s eyebrow, whatever the hell that’s all about. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Whoa, that was like two full journal entries! I’ll be caught
up in no time.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Sunday, March 31, 2013<o:p></o:p></div>
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And that was the final entry.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I couldn’t remember anything I’d said when I was a kid and
started writing this journal except that you get a dog for each phase of your
life. For some reason, that always stuck in the back of my mind and when a few
weeks ago Blaze died, right on schedule at age thirteen, it brought it all back
and compelled me to search for this old book, which I finally found in a musty
suitcase in my mother’s attic.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I was hoping I’d written something more profound -- some
prescient gems about what awaited me down the road during “the second
thirteen”, but whatever. At least good ol’ Blaze featured prominently as she
was there with me throughout the second phase. Well, the bulk of it anyway. The
“ignorance is bliss” years I guess.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m sure the remaining stages, however many I’m fortunate
enough to enjoy or unfortunate enough to endure, will each have their own
summits and valleys, bright avenues and dark alleys but this second stage is
unique in that it’s the only one in which your age doubles from the start to
the end: I’m now thirteen plus thirteen. I am two dogs old.<o:p></o:p></div>
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If it wasn’t apparent by the sudden mysterious demise of the
journal entries, I didn’t really excel in school. I didn’t have the discipline
and anyone who attempted to supply me with some was met with furious
resistance. Guys in my family had never gone to school much and I wasn’t about
to be the first and get razzed about it by my stepdad and his asshole brothers
and all them. Beer and weed and girls, in any order, were far more alluring,
easier to obtain, and a much less conspicuous path for me to take.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Despite having turned my back on most conventions by the age
of sixteen, Blaze, who was an energetic and playful three year old by then, had
really become my buddy. She always wanted to go everywhere with me but back
then I rarely let her. That is, until I learned her value as a “chick magnet”.
That’s the term Brian used. He was Amy’s boyfriend and considered a real catch
by all her girlfriends, but they also said he should have been unhooked and
thrown back after he stopped struggling. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Amy was twenty-one then and didn’t appreciate anyone’s
advice about what she should do or who she should do it with. She got stuck on
Brian, which was awesome for me since his network of cool now encompassed me,
however peripherally at first.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Brian told me a lot about dogs and I listened eagerly. I was
finally getting an education worth receiving. He explained how it was all in
the tone of voice and in the eyes. He showed me how to get Blaze to do all
sorts of wicked tricks, to do whatever I said without ever having to raise my
voice. Without ever making verbal threats. With just the tone of voice, and
with the eyes, total control could be obtained. He told me how even though they
appear to want independence, to run free, unencumbered by rules or restraints
of any kind, they really yearn to be controlled. Deep down, they beg to be told
where their boundaries are and there’s nothing that makes them happier than
when they find them and when they’ve managed to please their master. That’s
when you throw them a bone, Brian explained, but not every time or they’ll come
to expect it. It’s important they never know if their good behaviour will
result in a treat or not. You got to keep them in suspense. They just need to
know one will be coming eventually as long as they remain obedient and never
stray.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Confidence leads to better technique, Brian assured me, and
better technique leads to greater confidence. There were definitely many false
starts but I gradually began to see results with Blaze. Brian seemed to have
been right about so many things. I urged him to become a professional dog
trainer but he scoffed at the idea. He said it really had nothing to do with
dogs. I puzzled over that for a short while but let it go as Blaze returned
with a Frisbee and set it at my feet. I praised her for it, but not overly.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It might’ve been a year later when I was considered a bit of
a miracle worker with dogs myself. I’d been careful to follow Brian’s advice
every step of the way and the effort paid off. Brian had told me that once I
became that good and I could take Blaze everywhere with me, the chicks would
start crawling all over me, as he put it. He said girls just love guys with
dogs because it says that they’re nurturing, responsible, and family-oriented.
Even if the chicks don’t know they want those things, their hormones know it. I
told him I’m not <i>any</i> of those things but he assured me it didn’t matter.
The appearance was all that counted. Image is everything, he said.<o:p></o:p></div>
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He seemed right, of course, as he usually did. With Blaze
along, I had no problem attracting the girls. Girls I’d never met and would’ve
considered out of my league would come up to me smiling, pet Blaze, and start
asking me questions about her, and then about me. The problem was I had no idea
how to respond. I’d stutter and say something stupid then ramble on trying to
explain myself until I’d finally manage to chase them away. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I figured since Brian was so great at teaching me how to
train Blaze then maybe he could start giving me some lessons on how to not
scare girls away. He laughed and told me I didn’t need any lessons -- that I
already knew everything I needed to know. I told him I definitely did <i>not</i>
know because I was terrible at talking to girls.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<i>Don’t you get it, man?</i>
Brian smiled. <i>Bitches are all the same.</i>
<o:p></o:p></div>
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Listen, I readily admit I’m not proud of how I acted for the
next few years, but I did get laid a lot. It was in the confidence and the
technique. It was in the tone of voice and the eyes. It was making them eager
to please. It was throwing them the odd bone. <o:p></o:p></div>
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It was control.<o:p></o:p></div>
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*<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I was twenty when I met Sheila at a party. Wasted as we both
were, we managed the mating dance admirably. Smoothly swaying to the music we
were producing on the fly, we allowed our melody to write itself. And when it
came to the chorus neither of us missed a beat despite the hidden skips of our
own hearts. Sue me for being sappy but that’s how it was.<o:p></o:p></div>
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But it wasn’t the usual. I suspected immediately there was
something I wanted from Sheila, more than the typical conquest and abrupt parting.
My suspicions played out and I soon found myself recklessly in love with her.
She admitted feeling the same for me but that wasn’t strange at all. There was
nothing odd about her behaviour toward me, as girls often adorned me with their
undying love; only my own behaviour was out of character. And despite my
feelings, or perhaps because of them, I sought mental superiority hard and
fast. It was all I knew and the girl never had a chance. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I would <i>like</i> to throw a curve in here – to relate how
Sheila was immune to my well-practiced techniques, impervious to my gaze and
voice, but if anything she was easier to ensnare than many of them had been.
She was very eager to be mastered. The only difference between her and the
rest, besides the fact she was the first girl I ever truly loved, was that
Blaze, curiously, had no time for her. Only after I would command her to allow
Sheila to pet her, would she oblige, and only then, grudgingly. I knew this
hurt Sheila’s feelings and I worked with Blaze to help her overcome whatever
her problem might be. I suspect the major bone of contention was Sheila taking
a permanent place in my bed when she moved in with me – the spot that had
always belonged to Blaze. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Sometimes I would’ve actually enjoyed having Sheila come out
and party with me on weekends, especially after she moved in with me. But if
Brian and my family had taught me anything it was that a woman needs to stay at
home and avoid risking any unrespectable behaviour, and to be there waiting to
get me safely to bed when I eventually wander in drunk. And she was. Always. I
loved her deeply for that and she loved to be loved for it.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Brian married Amy in ’08 and Sheila and I took the leap the
following year when I just turned twenty-two. She’d hinted that she always wanted
a fairy tale wedding but that would’ve meant having to put up with her family
and all that shit. I could see no reason to let my wedding be ruined by that
bunch of weirdo feminists and pussies. I was so grateful Sheila had rebelled
against her upbringing. We ended up going to a Justice of the Peace at City
Hall and just getting it over with. No hassle, no family, no charade. True love
isn’t proved by pomp and ceremony; the proof is in actions.<o:p></o:p></div>
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We moved a few towns away in order to dissuade her parents from
visiting so often and that worked pretty well. Once or twice a month we’d go to
Brian and Amy’s for drinks and a barbecue or they’d come to our place, but the
visits became more infrequent over time and the bonds began to fade. Christmas
visits remained a must though, and a blast was usually had but I’d started
feeling a little uneasy about some things. I wasn’t really sure what at the
time.<o:p></o:p></div>
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It bothered me, for one thing, when Amy and Sheila would joke
about how they knew Brian and I loved them by how strict we were - how they’d
know we didn’t care about them any longer if we stopped keeping them on a short
leash. The three of them would laugh about that and I guess I would too but it
didn’t feel quite right, not after a while. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I started to feel like the whole short leash scenario... I
don’t know, maybe it’s cute imagery for some couples but it felt wrong somehow
– although not wrong enough to make me change my ways. How would I, even if I
wanted to? These were the only ways I knew. I loved Sheila to death. Surely
that commitment made up for any old fashioned tendencies – especially if she
liked me being that way.<o:p></o:p></div>
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On the bright side, Blaze was finally starting to warm up to
Sheila. The first time Blaze had lain at her feet Sheila was nearly in tears.
That was the beginning of a beautiful relationship. I was happy for her too. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Sheila asked me one time why I was opting to visit Amy and
Brian less frequently. She wondered if I was becoming disillusioned with my
favourite big sister, but that wasn’t it. I realized then that I was becoming
disillusioned with Brian. He was no longer the cool older guy that I’d once
idolized. He was still the same as always but it seemed like I eased past him
at some indiscernible point in some intangible way and now he was trying too
hard to impress me, to regain what I think he too felt was slipping, and he mostly just came across as lame.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Amy had invited us over for a barbecue two summers ago and,
since we hadn’t been there since the winter, I decided what the hell. I called
to confirm and Amy answered the phone. Her voice was a little muffled and she
sounded shaky. I told her we’d be there for the afternoon and started into the
obligatory small talk when I thought I heard her starting to sob a little. I
asked what was wrong. She was reluctant at first but with a little pressing she
was soon gushing out the whole incident from the night before.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Brian had come home drunk after last call expecting his
dinner. When there was none to be found he woke Amy up and asked her why she
hadn’t made any. She was groggy and told him she thought he’d be too tired to
eat so she didn’t want to waste food. He called her a few derogatory names and
ordered her to get up and cook some supper. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She thinks she may have expressed annoyance, possibly rolled
her eyes or something, and Brian had become infuriated beyond all reason. Amy
said you could tell his pride had been hurt at the bar because he always picked
a fight with her when he got home after being outwitted or outboxed by a
drunken acquaintance. She knew that was the worst time to give him a reason to
get upset but she’d been too tired to be cautious. He’d grabbed her by the hair
and yanked her out of the bed and onto the floor. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Amy surprised herself then, she said, in that the worse he
got -- the more he abused her, verbally and physically -- the more angry and
stubborn she herself became and steadfastly refused to comply with his orders.
Brian had been incredulous at the lack of respect and got on top of her and
started choking her. She’d tried to fight him off but his rage was far greater
than her ability to defend herself. His grip had tightened as his eyes bulged
and his face turned purple and contorted. She had been sure she was going to
die, she said.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I pictured him with his hands around my sister’s throat I
clenched the phone so hard it left deep impressions in my skin. As calmly as I
could manage, I asked Amy how she’d gotten out of it. She didn’t know but she
suspected the moment she felt she was dying he felt it too and that scared him
and sobered him a little. Just enough. He released her, called her a lazy cunt
and went to make himself something to eat. She’d lain there trembling for a
good while, she said, before quietly getting herself back in to bed, feigning
sleep when he crawled in beside her some time later.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sheila knew something was very wrong by the way I was
speaking with Amy. She began to massage my tightening shoulders. Blaze
manoeuvred her muzzle into my free hand, for my benefit, not her own, until I relented
and began stroking her.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At first all I could think of doing was rushing down to
Brian’s work and smashing his face in, in front of his co-workers and
continuing to do so until he was nothing but an unrecognizable mess. I soon
realized that wouldn’t be the wisest course of action, even if I could be sure
I wouldn’t come out of the tussle second best.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I told Amy she needed to leave him. She said she couldn’t. I
was expecting that response but it still hit me hard to hear the words. I told
her it would happen again - that she knew it would - and the next time she
might not live through it. She said she understood but she couldn’t leave him.
She didn’t know how.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’d pleaded with her that day, to no avail. I became
distraught and didn’t know what to do. I felt completely helpless to save my
sister’s life. I called an abused women’s hotline and I was crying when I tried
to explain the situation to the lady who answered. I don’t know how often men
call those lines but she didn’t seem too surprised so I took that as a good
sign.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It didn’t take long before I was disappointed though. There
was nothing she could do for me. I don’t even know what I had been hoping for
when I called. It was just desperation, grasping at straws. The lady told me as
sympathetically as she could that unless my sister decided to leave on her own,
then there was nothing they could do to help her. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Exasperated, I asked how could someone ever leave their
controlling abuser without the abuser’s permission? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Yeah, that’s the thing</i>,
she said.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That’s the thing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was still shaking when I hung up the phone, so enraged,
feeling so god damned useless. It then struck me that there was something I
could do, if not for Amy, at least in honour of her, and <i>for</i> Sheila. I
resolved at that moment that I would never again lord over the woman I loved.
It would be a whole new game; I would do everything in my power to make sure my
wife had the strength of mind to leave me if she ever felt she wanted to. <i>If
you love something set it free</i> and all that, right? An entire dismantling
of the relationship’s structure would have to be undertaken and rebuilt on
equal footing from the ground up. It was daunting but I was determined, and I
never wavered.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wasn’t great at keeping up with half the housework but I
tried. I was better at sharing decisions than I realized I could be though. I
began including her, asking her opinion on all matters that concerned us both
rather than just taking charge and doing what I thought was best. I started
complimenting her on her choices, her views, her taste, and her accomplishments
- everything from which mutual funds to invest in, to which television show to
watch. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I realized her lack of confidence was something I had preyed
on -- a weakness I had exploited and used for my own selfish purposes – to feel
superior. To <i>be</i> superior. In control.
Brian, the ultimate cool guy who I modeled myself after, now appeared for what
he really was: a tiny little insecure man who needed to manipulate women to
feel better about himself. And me: I had been his pathetic little mirror image.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My plan worked. Sheila’s confidence grew by the week it
seemed. Her voice became stronger, she held her head higher, she advanced at
work by leaps and bounds, going from a part-time cashier to a manager in under
a year. It was a remarkable transformation to behold and she made me so proud
to be her husband. And somehow Blaze became her best friend during that
metamorphosis; I was becoming second choice for Blaze’s affections. I can’t say
I wasn’t a little jealous but more than anything I found it a fascinating
development.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In retrospect, I find ironic folly in my plan, in that I
failed to inform Sheila of its implementation and objective. I don’t know, I
guess I thought telling her would somehow undermine the effort. So as always, I
had decided on my own what would be best for both of us. That oversight was
possibly my biggest mistake.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She left me in the fall. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was obvious that I didn’t love her any more, she said.
Since I wouldn’t refuse to let her go out drinking with friends from work, that
made it clear to her that I no longer cared about her. When I didn’t ask where
she was, what she was doing until four in the morning, that was because I must
have wanted her to find a boyfriend. So she found one. She found one who was
jealous of me, her husband, and who wanted to know if and when she was intimate
with me and ordered her to leave me. He treated her like a dog and she obeyed.
She felt secure with him. He controlled her completely and she felt loved again.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I had come home from work to find her closet cleaned out of
her essentials and favourites. Our dual bank account was cleaned out too. After
all, her boyfriend was between positions at the moment and they were going
to need any advantage they could get.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She took Blaze too and that was the final straw. I drove
around to the shabby house where Sheila was holed up with her new master and
demanded she give me back my dog. Through a ripped screen door she insisted she
hadn’t taken Blaze; the dog had jumped in the car and wouldn’t get out. I
called bullshit on that and she opened the door wide.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Call her,</i> Sheila
said. I did and Blaze came to stand by her side, just inside the threshold.
Sheila held her hands in the air to prove she wasn’t holding the dog back. I
whistled. Blaze cocked her head in that cute way she had but didn’t move. I
called her, I patted my leg, I whistled again. I raised my shaky voice and she
stood firm.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A voice from inside the house – a man’s voice, calm, confident, and in
control, called her name and Blaze wagged her tail, turned, and disappeared down
the hall and out of sight.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sheila closed the door and followed.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
*<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She called me last Thursday to tell me Blaze had died. The
vet had wanted to know her age and Sheila couldn’t remember. Thirteen, I told
her, and that’s when that Shakespeare stuff came back to me and sent me searching
for this old journal.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Daisy stage had seemed so carefree in comparison. But as tumultuous as
the Blaze years turned out to be, I wouldn’t give up the lessons learned for
anything. I didn’t get a dog to replace Blaze when she and Sheila left me;
it didn’t seem right then. But I’m twenty-six now and ready for phase three. At
least I think I might be, but who knows what hurdles will spring up between now
and when I’m thirty-nine?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t know if I’ll find that bubble reputation that Shakespeare
mentioned, but the dog pound is my first stop tomorrow and, together, me and my new pup will go looking for it.<o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
<span face=""Calibri",sans-serif" style="font-size: 11pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN-CA; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br clear="all" style="break-before: page; mso-break-type: section-break; page-break-before: always;" /></span>chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-18894237362588156912017-07-31T07:20:00.001-07:002018-03-06T15:07:12.554-08:00The World Would Be So Much Better Without Their Kind<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">I’m telling this older guy I’m sharing a smoke with
that I turned fourteen yesterday, and he says I should go home. I don’t answer, though. I could explain why I can't do that but, really, does it
matter? When the cigarette is finished we have nothing left in common and I
move on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">It’s early April in 1981 and dusk is approaching.
There’s a light drizzle falling; it’s seeping into my jean jacket at the
shoulders. Even though the rain is light, my hair is already drenched from
being out in it too long. I wish I had that CHUM ball cap back, the one
somebody scooped from me while I dozed in a vestibule last night. I hope they
needed it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">I’m guessing the temp is just about a click over
zero. Drizzle turns to sleet and pushes down now, focused, intent, rather than
just lazily dropping. I can tell by the look of the clouds rolling back in that
this is just a tease of what’s to come. Maybe they’re not rolling so much as
skulking. My ripped Adidas are already soaked through due to the puddles left
by the first phase of the storm earlier on. I can still feel some of my toes
but not all. The smallest ones are always the first to go.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">I keep walking because standing still would be dumb
and dangerous. Yet I know there’s nowhere to go; the cops know all the dry and
slightly warmer places where kids like me like to hang when we want a little
relief from the elements. They say it’s their job to ensure no congregating
occurs there. That’s the word they use when they’re shooing us along, like
we’re a congregation. Devout members of Our Lady of the Frozen Digits with a
cult-like enthusiasm for misery. They say when we gather that we’re not only an
offensive sight to decent society, but our congregations serve only to foster
mischief among miscreants like me. They’re probably right. They know I’m bad.
Everybody knows it. They can’t all be wrong so I believe them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">And I keep walking. To nowhere. It’s dinnertime in
Old South London. I don’t think I’ve eaten since the day before yesterday so I
try not to think on that. Sometimes I get lucky and get away with a Snickers or
a pack of luncheon meat from Becker’s or wherever, but usually the only thing
easy enough to steal is cigarettes from the handy counter displays.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">So I smoke. It occupies my mouth when there’s no
food. In a weird way, they’re my only comfort. All that I can rely on. They're
pretty much my only true family, as they never turn their back on me or push me
away. They’re a bit of an appetite suppressant, too, but mostly they’re
something I can hold on to. I’m coming to depend on them a great deal and
nicotine is about the least of the reasons why. I’ve heard they can make you
die sooner, like that’s some sort of deterrent. And anyway, I like the
smokescreen they create. A barrier so no one can ever get too close. Getting
like that only sets you up for eventual rejection. Why would anyone subject
themselves to that willingly? Fucking idiots.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">I walk on. This part of Cathcart Street has a lot
of large trees and the branches are sprouting buds. They’re still small, but
the sheer number of them creates a bit of a canopy and if that helps to keep a
little rain off me then at least that’s something. I’m not sure what the buds
think of sleet. Does it help them burst out and flourish, or shrink into
themselves and cower, hoping for a better day to come? They probably don’t know
themselves what to do, which way to turn. But thanks to all the branches, the
rain’s no longer dripping from my ear lobes, which is great because I can feel
them burning. I think it’s funny the way the freezing always starts with
burning. The saviour of my congregation has a wicked sense of humour.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">I can’t help but look into the houses as I intrude
on the quaint neighbourhood. Many of the front windows are lit up like huge
television screens as I pass them, each telling a story in twenty-four
frames-per-second all the way down the road. Each shows a different contented
family, warm and dry, laughing, sitting down for dinner like it’s no big deal.
Each screen is set to a different channel, all are fine-tuned and their clarity
is impressive.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">None of the characters ever breaks the fourth wall.
To them it doesn’t exist, and that’s where I am: outside looking in. They’re
oblivious to people like me—that we share the same theatre, just from different
sides of the curtain. I’m merely an audience peering in from the dark. I could
try to be the laugh track but no one would hear me. I’m a ghost. Or maybe just
a stat if that’s a different thing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">A while later when I’m on Briscoe, it’s full dark
and even colder. As I'd figured, the rain is coming down a lot harder now,
mixed with ice pellets. My jacket is a month ahead of season and now soaked
full-through, so I think I’m better off with the pellets than the straight-up
rain because they mostly just bounce off instead of burrowing through the denim
and into my skin, and deeper. I guess that makes me lucky. I know it’s the
worst plan to stop walking but my legs need a break and there’s nowhere dry to
sit. There’s a house party in progress on one of the screens. It must be Friday
or Saturday. My aching legs convince me to stop and just take in the show for a
few moments.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">Everyone is pleased with themselves and each other,
their animated hands and bodies expressing their joy at just being there,
together. One woman reminds me of my mom a little. I miss my mom. And they’re
all socializing, near the glowing fireplace with drinks in hand and randomly
grabbing whatever-they-are off the platters as they talk and flirt and ingest
the snacks’ sustenance practically without even realizing it. Many are just set
down half-eaten and forgotten. I feel sorry for those ones even while I crave
the opportunity to devour them.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 200%;">I’ve been watching this show too long. I can feel
my knees starting to seize so I push my legs back into motion. On to the next
channel, and the next. </span><span style="font-family: "bookman old style" , serif; font-size: 12pt;">I end up in a commercial area down on Wharncliffe
maybe an hour later. I stop to light a smoke under the awning of a department
store that has these fancy twenty-six-inch console televisions in the display
window. I don’t even know why I pick up a rock and throw it through the huge
plate glass but I guess that’s what bad guys do. No reason. Random, meaningless
destruction from some asshole kid out for kicks. And anyway, running helps warm
my toes a little as I hear the wail of approaching sirens.</span></div>
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-15178189821817361502016-10-30T20:42:00.001-07:002016-10-30T20:42:24.190-07:00The Cat<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">One night when Melody Bannock was five years old, she awakened from a deep sleep, cold</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, with a bitter post-winter chill creeping in through the broken bedroom window. Her big brother, Paul, had broken it while batting rocks outside with a slab of wood. That had been before Melody could even remember, but that was how the story went. Her daddy had said it had to stay that way but Melody heard someone say broken windows could be fixed. She didn’t see how; it sounded like magic to her and magic wasn’t real, and anyway, she believed what her daddy told her.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She couldn’t really remember the window, and her mommy said it made for nice sleeping in the summer when the breeze comes through the hole where it used to be. She was looking forward to that. Summer came after Spring, she knew, and it was springtime now, so summer would be the next thing. She was really excited about summer; she almost couldn’t take the anticipation. She got too excited about things. She knew that because everybody always said so. They said she was too hyper, too curious, and too impetuous. She didn’t know what most of those things were; all she knew was that she was scared a lot. Of everything, all the time.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And now, she was scared of her dad waking up in the next bedroom, and smelling what she had done: she had peed the bed again, and peeing the bed was wrong. It was what only babies did and she wasn’t a baby, and she knew she would be punished for being such a bad and stupid girl.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She was freezing from the waist down as the dampness of her body intensified the coldness of the room. She reached blindly for the blanket to cover her legs. It wasn’t there. Then she remembered her parents had taken it for the night. They didn't have a bedroom door so they always took her blanket to cover themselves whenever they wanted to play their kissy giggling grown-up game in private.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But there was a dirty sheet, at least, crumpled at the bottom of her mattress. She knew that would help a bit, and she hoped maybe it might cover up the smell too, so then her daddy would never know and then he wouldn’t hit her tomorrow, at least not for that. Then she nearly cried when she remembered the sheet was outside hanging on the line, after being washed because she had peed the bed last night too.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Frustrated, she sat up, and tried to focus in the dark. Of all the things that she was afraid of, the dark was the worst of them all. Because anything can happen in the dark. When she closed her eyes in the daytime, sometimes she saw hideous monsters floating there, reaching toward her, smiling and snarling, wanting to eat her. But she could open her eyes and they would all be gone. In the dark though, in the dead of the night, when she opened her eyes they were still there, laughing at her for trying to will them away. There was no way to turn them into nothingness. For Melody, nighttime was a very bad time.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sitting there, freezing, listening to her daddy snore in the next room under her nice warm blanket, she became more alert, and knew she had to get the sheet. Outside, at night. She had never gone out at night by herself, not when everybody was sleeping. She wished Paul was there; he wasn’t always nice to her, but Melody knew he would protect her if he could. But he was always staying out with his friends lately, drinking beer and getting weird, doing just what her daddy did all the time. She sometimes wondered why Paul was starting to act just like Daddy when he said so many times that he hated the way Daddy was. So many things in the world seemed strange to Melody.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then she considered waking her mommy, but that couldn’t be done without waking Daddy too and Mommy always just did what Daddy wanted her to. And she always felt like her mommy didn’t really care a lot about her anyway. She didn’t know why that was.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Melody was out of options. She was alone in this situation, and thought maybe she should just go back to sleep. Maybe getting Daddy mad in the morning wouldn’t be as bad as going outside in the dark. That thought began to seem like the better plan until she shivered again, and knew she couldn’t sleep while she was so cold.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She looked warily at the front door. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Slowly, she rose and began creeping toward it, hoping the squeaky floorboards didn’t rouse her father. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Why was the floor so loud at night?</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> she wondered. She made her way to the door, being careful not to bump into anything or step on any empty beer cans or whatever was in her path. She kept expecting a monster to jump out at her from the shadows and she whimpered at the thought as she found the door knob and began to turn it. It seemed to take forever for it to go far enough to open, but it finally did. It made a loud click and her daddy suddenly stopped snoring. She froze. She held her breath and waited, too terrified to do anything else. Then he made an ugly sound in his throat and the snoring started again. She exhaled and relaxed, but just a little, as she opened the door and peered into the vast and silent night.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There was nothing there.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She couldn’t see their nearest neighbour’s house, or the fence, or – or anything. She left the door open and began creeping along the side of the small home, terrified that someone, some </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">thing</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, might grab her. She walked on, her bare feet felt the dew on the grass, and she wondered why it was wet even though it hadn’t rained. She didn’t understand, but she liked the sensation. It felt nice. It felt real, unlike the rest of this expedition. She tried to concentrate on that, instead of scary monsters, as she rounded the side of the house where the clothesline was. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The grass was taller there, even though it hadn’t had much time to grow yet, and she felt the blades of grass tickling her ankles. She could have giggled if she wasn’t so scared, and then a different feeling: she couldn’t describe it at first, but then the pain announced itself. Melody squealed and quickly moved her foot but the shard of aluminum embed in her heel stayed put. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She sat down hard on the damp lawn and grabbed her foot. She didn’t know what was stuck in her heel but it hurt, and it was making her bleed. She began crying and summoned the courage to pull it out. She threw it away but her foot was bleeding more now. She cried harder, louder, and rubbed her eyes, not realizing her hand was covered in blood. It stung, and she tried to shake away the blood that was now obscuring her vision, but without much success.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She tried to stand up; it hurt to put pressure on her bleeding foot but she limped on, toward where she imagined the clothesline to be. Then she saw the vague outline of the white sheet, rippling gently on the line. She was so excited to see it, she almost forgot about her bleeding foot as she hurried toward it. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It was then she saw the eyes, gleaming in the dark.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">They were green, like little twinkling sparks, beside where she thought the shed probably was. The eyes might have even seemed pretty, if she hadn’t heard the deep, guttural growl that emanating from the same place, there in the darkness. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center; text-indent: 36pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The bobcat had been hunting in the bush, just behind the Bannock family’s shed, when he smelled the blood. Curious, and hungry, he ventured forth, out of his protective bush, and hunched beside the shed. He wasn’t prepared, yet, to go into open territory, not until he was more confident.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then he spotted his prey. It was much larger than some of the creatures he feasted on, almost daunting in its mass. But he’d fought and won against bigger prey than this, too. He watched the child rise and start heading generally toward him. He scanned the yard, neither seeing nor smelling any other of the creature’s herd. There was nothing that might impede his mission. The smell of its blood excited him. It was injured, and may be less able to defend itself as a result.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">He slowly, cautiously rose and began creeping forward into the open, toward the creature, never taking his eyes from her.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">*</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-align: center; text-indent: 36pt;">
<br /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Melody couldn’t tell for sure, but she thought maybe whatever owned those green eyes was moving closer to her. It felt crazy to her to run closer to it, but that’s what she found herself doing, as best she could with a bleeding foot, because she had to get that sheet. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It surprised the creature when she did so, and it sprang into action.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Melody snatched the sheet from the line and fled back the way she had come. Her eyes having adjusted to the darkness a little better now, she could see the shape of the house. She crumpled the sheet as she ran so she wouldn’t trip over it, and made a frantic sprint to the corner of the house. </span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The animal snarled, filling her with dread, as she heard it gaining on her. It moved so fast! She ran quicker than she had ever ran before. She thought maybe if she could round the corner, the creature might shoot right past, and she could be at the front and in the door before it could turn and catch her.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She was wrong.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">By the time she reached the corner of the house, it was nearly upon her. She turned to run for the door, but the cat rounded the corner agilely, barely slowing its stride as it did so, and scratched at her heels when she still had some yards to go. She screamed, almost not even caring if it woke her Daddy—and then actually hoping it would. As mad as he would be at her, he would still save her. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Wouldn’t he? </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She couldn’t be sure but she thought so.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She fell, and the bobcat was on her. She whimpered, calling for her mommy, in a reserved voice, still uncertain as to the wisdom of that. The cat pinned her to the ground and flipped her over so she was on her back. She found herself looking dead into its eyes. It was inches from her face; those eyes, green slits that glowed with intensity. She felt its hot, putrid breath on her face, and its saliva that dripped from its mouth onto her cheek. There was no doubt: she had been right about the dark. There </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">were</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> monsters in its depths, and they were intent on eating her. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Her mother never stirred. Melody began crying louder and louder, until she finally threw caution to the wind and began screaming for </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">both</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> her parents to rescue her from the beast. Still, neither of them moved but the bobcat looked to her as if it were getting madder. And hungrier.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Her parents had argued earlier while drinking, and then made up while drinking more. It had been a particularly nasty fight. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Mommy will have raccoon eyes again</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, Melody had thought, so their making-up session went on very late, and now neither of them could be roused by the terrified squeals of their daughter in peril.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Melody realized she was as good as alone in the world. No one would be saving her from the beast. No one could. She would get eaten, or she would fight and maybe survive. She didn’t know where the strength came from amid the paralyzing fear, but she decided to fight.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She reached wildly and found an object, and grasped it tight. It was the wire coat hanger she had discarded earlier that day. The one she had bent out relatively straight and used to impale bread onto, for the fire pit out back. She called for her parents one last time to come and save her.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Nothing.</span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Her daddy’s snoring wavered a little, then found its rhythm again as he drifted back down to the depths of his drunken slumber. Melody gasped as the cat flared its nostrils and narrowed its eyes. If it noticed her hand moving, it didn’t react to it, instead keeping its eyes locked to hers. Melody intuitively maintained eye contact with the creature so it would focus on hers instead of turning to bite her hand. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She inched the hanger closer. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The cat growled, deep in its belly. Melody suddenly swung around with the hanger in her tiny fist. The wildcat pawed her shoulder, but didn’t manage to stop her arm’s momentum. It bit her then, sinking its fangs deep into her thin forearm, and she screamed, but refused to let go of her weapon. She cried out, and it tried to bite her mouth. It opened its own mouth wide as it launched. It snarled at her again, and Melody turned her head away as she shoved the hanger deep into the creature’s eye socket.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">The bobcat slunk back, uttered a horrific, menacing sound and dug its claws into Melody’s thighs. It tore through her tiny legs like paper, and tried to reach higher; it wanted her throat. It began clawing its way back up her body, gouging her belly, her chest, her shoulders... Melody had never been so terrified, and in so much pain, but she refused to let up. She didn’t care how scary the monster was. She wanted to win. Maybe this is what impetuous meant. She knew as long as she held the hanger and wouldn’t let the creature get rid of it, that she had a chance of getting through this nightmare. The only thing that could save her, she thought, was herself, and her </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">impetuous</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She pulled the hanger out of the cat’s eye then, and blood squirted from its socket. The eye drooped, and blood oozed down its face onto Melody’s hair, her face, and neck. She wished she could aim, but couldn’t manage; the creature’s blood had sprayed into her eyes. She shut them tight and stabbed blindly at its body as it continued to screech and claw at her. She opened her left eye a little despite the sting of the bobcat’s blood in it, and saw the creature’s gaping mouth heading toward her neck. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">No!</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> Melody screamed and jabbed the hanger far down into its mouth. She felt it stick into the back of the cat’s throat. It gurgled and spasmed and its one good eye opened wide in terror. Melody felt its claws contracting and she struggled to kick it off her body. She couldn’t have done it all by herself, but the cat obliged, turned and raced haphazardly from the property, away toward the dirt road and was swallowed again by the very darkness from whence it came.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; text-indent: 36pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Melody sat up, trembling, crying in pain, relieved to be alive... but dismayed. She wished she had killed it. She was angry now; she wished she had pulled the life from the monster, crushed it, so it could never come back and hurt her again. That would warn all the monsters to stay away too. But she had failed, so she knew there would be more.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<span id="docs-internal-guid-89721479-18cb-14f5-5589-b0b42d05ab89"><span style="font-family: Alegreya; font-size: 16px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> She quietly made her way back into the house, limped to her mattress, and sat down. She stared blankly into the dark. The child was in shock. She held up her hands and looked at them curiously, as best she could in the dim room. Blood dripped from her hands onto her legs and mattress. She wasn’t sure if it was the cat’s blood or her own. She didn’t feel it was important to know which. Her legs stung really badly. She looked down at them, exposed from mid-thigh. They were red, swollen, and gouged from the cat’s claws. She stopped crying, and vowed she would be sure to kill the next one dead. She would kill all the monsters.</span></span>chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-58517142932677466492016-10-26T10:51:00.001-07:002016-10-26T10:51:55.187-07:00<h1 class="printable-title" style="background-color: white; border: none; font-family: Domine, serif; font-size: 25px; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px 0px 10px; padding: 0px;">
Books and beer on tap as Chaucer's adds library</h1>
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http://www.ourlondon.ca/community-story/6763748-books-and-beer-on-tap-as-chaucer-s-adds-library/chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-12320948617121356122016-07-26T17:39:00.004-07:002016-07-26T17:39:44.166-07:00mr. rayner's hood<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-26061335982500071222016-06-25T04:38:00.002-07:002016-06-25T04:39:51.459-07:00Divide and Conquer<h2 style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: large;">Divide and Conquer</span></b></h2>
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<i><b><span style="font-size: large;">i</span></b></i></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Remote Northern Switzerland – Autumn, 1837</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">Saffron’s body was still good and firm even though she’d been a fortnight dead. The weather had preserved her well, so although the old horse wouldn’t be pulling the carriage another yard, she was still pulling her weight by providing sustenance for the desperate party – who prayed her meat might outlast the storm.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The mid-October gale had caught them off guard; it howled through the already-treacherous Jura mountain passage, evening the landscape under a uniform cotton shroud and leaving the trail indistinguishable from its surrounding countryside. The terrain wiped flat — save where huge, swirling drifts rose and formed impassable barricades — it was all but impossible for the hapless group to continue navigating their way to the crossing point on the Rhine, still some thirty miles on.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The ferocious winds had tossed their carriage like a children’s toy, had flipped it effortlessly and weakened its frame upon landing it again. Their essential provisions having flown off and away, were scattered widely and then buried under a foot or more of fresh snow in the outlying fields. And during the long nights, wild beasts, better equipped for the task of scavenging there, made off with whatever edibles they could find. By the time the blizzard relented three days later, leaving frigid temperatures in its wake, there was precious little left for the family to eat, and old Saffron, having had enough, had simply laid down, died, and froze.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">But Leopold Wyler was no grand butcher, so what might have been generous choice cuts, enough for a score of days, had been recklessly discarded with the actual waste during the butchering process. Unbeknownst to Leopold, of course, was that had that meat been saved, countless girls’ lives might also have been saved over many ensuing years; such is the way of fate.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Leopold’s young wife, Angelica, along with their unborn child, had been relegated to passenger status within the carriage while he, his sister Rebekka, and her husband Julius Frey, filled in for the late Saffron and slowly forced the carriage along the trail, through the heavy snow. Finding the trail ahead had become as arduous a task as traversing it now, as slipping off the edge could be detrimental to the carriage’s chassis; it having been compromised during the storm, and patchworked back together into a precarious state of functionality.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">And then Julius was at the left rear, pushing and puffing, when the carriage slid into a rut and tilted wildly toward him. He stumbled and slipped into the rut himself, his foot being crushed before he had time and balance enough to pull it back. He cursed his maker as he realized he was pinned. Inside, Angelica had fallen across the seat and hit her elbow hard against a furious Fantôme, Rebekka’s cat, as the carriage had jolted and come to a sudden stop. She awkwardly pulled herself upright, and sighed heavily. Her baby kicked, as if it too were frustrated with this latest annoyance.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Angelica had enough of being coddled. “Stay,” she told Fantôme, who gazed back at her defiantly. She unlatched the carriage door and kicked it open. Fantôme dove out the door and nearly disappeared in the snow. She looked around, and then back at the door, as if having immediately regretted her escape. Rebekka immediately came to the cat’s rescue, rescuing her from the snow, and glancing hard at Angelica. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Angelica paid her no mind. She looked around, assessing the situation as she climbed down. She slammed the door when she felt ground underfoot, hiked high her skirts, and made her way to the carriage’s rear center. Rebekka returned the grateful feline to the relative comfort and safety of the cab before following her sister-in-law.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">“Pull...” Angelica began as Rebekka took up position beside her. “One, two, three, and... push!” Angelica’s shrill voice cut through the crisp air. She repeated the command several times, creating momentum in the carriage’s movement as her husband and in-laws abided on cue. And on the third push! the carriage escaped its hold and freed a relieved Julius from its grip. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">“Hurrah!” said Leopold, from his position near the front. Rebekka and Julius joined the chorus but a piercing crack! cut short their ovation.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Leopold stumbled when the axle snapped and the carriage lurched. Again, it had come to an abrupt stop but determination and physics would not save the beleaguered party this time. They stood in silence for a moment, each of them shivering and feeling the full weight of this newest defeat. But none would call it that; it was as if admitting the reality would somehow allow them to succumb to it. Leopold moved to hug his wife. Angelica squeezed his hand in response. She peered through the now lightly-falling snow at the errantly-sloping landscape that had been their domain for the better part of a week. She scanned the immediate area: down along the bottom of a nearby dale the remains of a small forest, having burned down some years before, jutted up at awkward angles from the otherwise flat basin, like lost and disoriented soldiers in the aftermath of a fierce and pointless battle. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">“There,” Angelica said thoughtfully. She pointed, and the ragged family obligingly followed to where her shivering finger directed their gaze. “Do you think a new axle could perhaps be found down there? The newer growth will be too soft, of course, and the old, mostly bent and brittle but there may be one good old piece that’s long and solid enough for our needs, no?”</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">“Perhaps something,” Julius agreed, nodding. “Shall we go see what’s down there in the morning, Leopold?” He looked to his brother-in-law, but Leopold was already on his way, axe in hand, trudging through the snow. Julius limped after him, soon being led through a makeshift path the width of Leopold’s body, as the snow became deeper the further they travelled toward the skeletons of the old forest.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Rebekka moved to stand closer to Angelica and they watched their men for a short time until their backs were swallowed by the dark. “Back in the cab for you, young madam,” Rebekka said. “There’s nothing else we can do at the moment, except pray.”</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Angelica nodded her tacit agreement, silently noting that a great deal of prayer had only managed to deliver them to their current predicament. But she climbed back in as instructed and attempted to soothe her child by gently rubbing her stomach and humming a lullaby she half-remembered from her youth. Having apparently forgiven her, Fantôme nestled up to her leg. <i>The poor thing could use more meat on her bones,</i> Angelica thought.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">She unknowingly began dozing, dreaming of her family’s new life across the border, away from the strict rules governing Jews in their native Switzerland. She was preparing lunch on their farm; it was a modest one, but it was theirs. Her child played carefree on the floor beside her, occasionally yanking at her skirt, babbling and giggling. They had decided to call the child Freddy, if a boy, otherwise, Frederica. In the dream, it was a little girl.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It was warm in her dream, and Leopold was there, walking back to the small home for a midday meal after working up a sweat, turning soil for the turnip and cabbage seeds to be soon planted. He was handsome and brawny, his muscles glistening in the bright sun. He waved and she pretended not to see him. He called her name and chased some fat chickens out of his path, off the lane that meandered up to the quaint farmhouse. Angelica looked around, in every direction save the right one, pretending to search for the source of the voice. She shielded her eyes from the sun and scanned the breadth of the property: there was no one at the eastern end where the sturdy new barn reached into the sky.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“Angelica!” he called. Again, she focused her attention the wrong way and tried not to smile. This time to the western orchard, where red apples hung temptingly from the trees there, approaching their peak ripeness…</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“Angelica! Oh my god, Angelica!” </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">It was Rebekka. Angelica stirred, quickly regained her bearings, and snapped the curtain back to look through the crudely-cut window at the stark grey sky of the present.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“What’s wrong, Rebekka?” she asked, weary dread rippling her words.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Rebekka pointed to where the men had gone. Angelica couldn’t get a proper view from her vantage point and hurriedly exited the cab. She tried to focus in the dark and saw Julius running and stumbling and waving, making his way up the hill toward them. He was severely agitated. He yelled something but neither woman could make out the words. There was no sign of Leopold, and Angelica’s heart sank. She felt nauseated. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“W-where’s Leo though?” she vaguely heard herself ask Rebekka, but she knew the question was pointless; Rebekka couldn’t know. When Julius got near enough that they could see the stark severity of his eyes, they finally understood the words he had been yelling: wolves. Wolves, he was yelling, and Leopold.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Angelica started running down into the forest valley, circumventing Julius but he grabbed her and stopped her from progressing. She beat at his chest, screaming for her husband, but Julius held her firmly, silently weeping at her shoulder. Rebekka joined them and the three huddled there for a considerable time until the madness had subsided from Angelica’s eyes and the tears finally came.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: large;">ii</span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">They had fled from Angelica’s home of Endingen, in north central Switzerland some five weeks prior. Leopold had been raised in nearby Lengnau and spent the days labouring on a farm there alongside Angelica’s father, Samuel Bollag. A reserved soul by nature, Samuel had disliked his boisterous fieldmate, and that was incentive enough for the man’s daughter to take a romantic interest in the lad. Once she did, she had been surprised to find she was very fond of him and, after a long while, worked up the courage to tell her father so.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“Bah,” Samuel had said. “Don’t be foolish, girl.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“He’s clever, Father, and funny, too,” Angelica had said in Leopold’s defence.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“Funny and clever? If you mean cocky, then, yes, I agree. But cocky doesn’t put soup in the belly, my dear,” Samuel said, as if explaining to a child. “Sweat does. Keeping quiet, with your mind on your work, that’s what builds a home and a secure family.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“He’s ambitious too,” she offered, and immediately knew that was about the worst thing she could have said.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“Ah, ambitious, is he? The most dangerous of all traits.” Samuel smiled without humour, his eyes remaining hard. “Ambition will get a Jew’s throat cut quicker than anything else, except, perhaps, being funny and clever.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“What should he do, then, Father? Accept his fate, and that of his future children, and that’s that? We’re forbidden from nearly every kind of decent, honest work! What can we do? Sow the seeds for Protestants and Catholics to reap? Trade tattered rags for nearly nothing on the pitiless streets? Where can we live, Father? Tell me! Here, and in Lengnau, and nowhere else? What life is that, Father? Forbidden to live in all but two towns in all of the cursed land!”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“It is a life, yes. As opposed to a death,” Samuel said. “I’m glad you’ve finally come to your senses and realized that.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“Play with my words if you wish but Leopold has dreams, and I do too. Together we can work toward the change our people need and deserve. We deserve it, Father!”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“Of course we deserve it!” Samuel slammed his calloused palm on the table and Angelica tensed. “But deserve and expect are not the same, Angelica. Deserve and receive are even greater strangers. That’s a difference you stupid young people need to learn before you get hurt, and get others hurt along with you!” he roared. And when he saw his daughter’s tears of frustration commence, he calmed considerably and made to comfort her. “That’s what this is about, my child. I’m so afraid that Leopold’s high and mighty ideals will deliver you to a life of misery, or to no life at all. Don’t you understand that? His kind… his kind,” he shook his head sadly, “they never persevere.” Samuel reached across the table and took her trembling hand in his. “I have seen their fates, my dear. The dismal fates of a dozen Leopolds, maybe a hundred of them.” He patted her hand. He got up, blew out the candle, and left her alone at the table. From the other room he added, “There’s no shame in a hard day’s labour, Angelica. He just needs to get used to it. His childish fantasies will subside with time. They do for all of us.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">On a logical level, she knew her father made sense. But someone had to make the change, she thought. Why not Leopold? She knew her stance would not waver, and neither would her father’s, but peace would have to be made, somehow. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">*</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Samuel had been mortified on that late afternoon when Leopold had come to dinner and announced his intentions toward Angelica. He decided then that Leopold was an evil, treacherous rat who had tricked his naive child into romance. This was a notion that his wife Alina, scoffed at, and one that Angelica found highly offensive. She refused to speak to her father for days until he apologized and accepted Leopold into the family, however grudgingly. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span>Contrary to the common mores of the local Christians, Jewish women had never acted subservient to their men and had never allowed themselves to be treated as lesser people simply due to their sex. Wiser Jewish men, for their part, knew they daren’t even try.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Leopold, then, was welcomed as Samuel’s son-in-law. Because Samuel knew he had no choice.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">*</span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">He never did come to view the situation quite as his daughter and her husband did, or agree that leaving the country was the best thing for her, but Samuel knew that he must accept it. Sombrely, he had helped them load the carriage on that late-September morning when they departed and, as a show of love and support, offered them his trusty horse, Saffron, in trade for the thinner and weaker one Leopold had planned on using for the journey. “If you are to make it,” Samuel had assured them, “it will be with the help of able ol’ Saffron.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: large;">iii</span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">Angelica looked blankly at the greying horsemeat in her lap and forced herself to take another bite. As long as it still hadn’t turned, she needed to consume its nourishment for the sake of her child, whether she wished to eat it or not. Mechanically, she chewed and tried to find the will to carry on.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">It had been three days since Leopold’s death. She took turns, along with Julius and Rebekka, guarding the carriage with an old shotgun; the onslaught of wolf packs had become a very real threat with the aroma of meat roasting over the fire. Night and day, the small troupe kept vigil but the wild animals never returned. Julius eventually got the axle replaced and they set off once again, slower than ever, one man short, and with a rapidly declining source of food. On the seventh day, the last sad remains of Saffron were divided up, cooked over a small fire, and dished out. And then it was Fantôme’s turn, but she only lasted a day.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">After four more days as the hunger became unbearable, Julius forced himself on a foraging expedition early in the day and not returning until dusk, acting sheepish and peculiar when he did. He had with him, wrapped in his jacket, a piece of meat he said he found jutting out of the snow, just beyond that old forest where the new axle was found. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“It’s the thigh of an elk,” he said, “It was quite a stroke a luck to come across it.” He avoided the women’s gazes and cooked it behind the carriage in lee of the bitter northerly winds. The smell was glorious to the ravished threesome as it began to sizzle. Fearing the scent would attract predators, they remained on guard as they salivated and impatiently waited for it to be thoroughly cooked. Julius scraped off the first piece for Angelica, who took it reluctantly but then gorged herself on it, chewing and swallowing faster as the taste became more palatable. She thought she could feel her child being satiated as her own hunger subsided for the first time in days. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Was elk the best he could come up with?</i> she thought. It wasn’t nearly the right shape for elk, nor an appropriate length.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">How had the wolves managed to leave an entire thigh behind? she wondered, but she couldn’t ask. To ask would be to break the communal lie. She closed her eyes and tried to think of elk meat as she chewed the bit of flesh she had just torn from the bone with her teeth. Still, despite Julius’s crude fabrication, she was grateful to him for allowing her – for allowing all of them – to pretend it was something other than Leopold’s leg they were dining on; it helped to make it just a little more tolerable.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">But it wasn’t a full two days later when the hunger had returned worse than ever – and there would be no more Leopold legs to feast on. On the sixth day thereafter, without a scrap to eat since, the three sat in the cab in silence. Julius and Rebekka huddled together on one side, Angelica spread out on the other. She appeared to be asleep, but remained very much alert.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Because she had heard the whispers in the night, and she was hearing them again now.<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">She couldn’t make them out, yet knew exactly what they meant. Despite their misgivings, her travelling companions were planning to kill her and eat her; it was the only logical conclusion they could come to. Someone had to be eaten for the others to have a chance at survival. Rebekka and Julius never slept at the same time anymore. One of them always remained awake. Why? Was it to ensure she couldn’t get them before they got her? Angelica toyed with the idea that hunger might be making her paranoid, but she soon discarded the notion; her mind was all too clear. The body of a woman, with child, could feasibly supply enough energy to help the couple make it to the Rhine, at least if there was to be a mild break in the weather. It was two against one, Angelica thought. Or, perhaps, against one and a half.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">She feared sleep but she was so desperately tired. If not today, then tomorrow it will happen. It will be soon when they kill me in my sleep and begin feeding on me and my baby. Angelica’s mind raced. She pitied herself and her insane predicament. How can I save my child? She hadn’t the strength to fight off the two of them, she was sure of it, not even if she wasn’t weak and nearly eight months pregnant. That was out of the question. She would have to somehow outsmart them. And fast. Emperor Napoleon, who was sympathetic to the Jews, she recalled, had often outwitted stronger, more powerful enemies – and enemies were what her in-laws now were, she had to admit. Adversaries in a life and death struggle. What would Napoleon do? she asked herself.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">The answer came to her almost immediately: <i>divide and conquer</i>.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: large;">iv</span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">The whispers stopped when Angelica opened her eyes — stopped too abruptly, it seemed to her. Rebekka and Julius both smiled meekly at her. She smiled back. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“I’m going out to melt some snow for water,” she said. “Unless there’s some to drink in here?” she asked, knowing that there wasn’t, since no one had left the cab during her supposed nap.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">“Sorry, I should have gotten some for you,” Julius offered. “Let me get it now.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“No, no, it’s fine. I need the air. It’s a little milder this day, no?” she said. The Freys uttered vague agreements. Angelica hobbled out, closed the door behind her, and filled a tin pitcher halfway up with fresh snow from beside the trail. “Oh, perhaps you could start the fire for me, Julius?” she called. Moments later, he was out there with her, struggling to ignite a flame without much in the way of kindling. He muttered something unintelligible but it didn’t matter; she replied with a loud giggle, one sounding flirtatious, she hoped, to Rebekka from inside the carriage. Julius gave Angelica a quizzical look, laughed awkwardly in return, and went back to concentrating on the fire. “I’ll just go back in, away from the wind, until it’s going well, alright?” she said, hoping Rebekka had heard Julius’s laughter as well as her own. He nodded, but she didn’t notice, as she had already climbed back inside.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“The baby okay?” Rebekka asked.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">”I think so. It seems a little better than yesterday even,” Angelica lied.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“That’s surprising, but certainly a good thing.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“Yes, it may have been Julius’s comfort during the night. You’re so lucky to have him, Rebekka. He’s truly a wonderful man.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“Comfort?” asked Rebekka.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“Yes, and body heat. I loved how he rubbed my belly and... well, elsewhere... to help keep me warm and comfortable. I was truly relaxed for the first time in days. It made quite the difference.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“Oh, I…” Rebekka tried. “I wasn’t aware he did that.” </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">“Yes, he said it was important to protect the child. He does love children so much, doesn’t he? It’s a shame you’ve never been able to give him a child yourself. So sad, for both of you.”</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Rebekka had no reply.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Angelica had been aware that, even this far along in her pregnancy, Rebekka felt inferior to her, as a woman — as a sexual being. She knew Rebekka was a little jealous of her, her looks, her manner, and especially of her unborn child. It was something that never would have been an issue under regular circumstances, but something Angelica felt she may be able to leverage now, during this desperate time. It was cruel, and devious, and the only thing she could think of that might help her live throughout the night.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">*</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">She played the charade out subtly for the rest of the daylight hours, feeling the tension building between the couple, with poor Julius oblivious to the cause of his wife’s consternation. Angelica forced herself to stay awake despite crippling hunger that begged for a reprieve through at least a short spell of unconsciousness, until just past dusk when she finally allowed herself to lie down. Rebekka now believed, Angelica was certain, that Julius was planning on killing her, so he could survive with Angelica and help her raise her baby.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Then it was Rebekka’s turn to force away sleep. Angelica had no idea if she could outlast her. She had her doubts, but the survival of her child was a powerful incentive. She felt like squealing with delight when, finally, she heard Rebekka lightly snoring. She waited an agonizing ten minutes more before motioning to Julius to come over to her side of the cab. Seemingly bewildered, he yawned and obeyed. She whispered to him that she was cold and asked if he could he rub her belly for a few moments. The notion of touching her seemed to rattle him a little, and Angelica suppressed a sly smile. But he reluctantly obliged; he couldn’t say no to her, and when his hand was particularly low on her stomach, Angelica coughed loudly and laughed, arousing Rebekka on the opposite seat. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Rebekka immediately assessed the situation, noting that her husband had his arm around Angelica instead of her, and his other hand had been suspiciously out of sight and doing god knows what down there before he quickly removed it, looking guilty. Rebekka screamed with rage and rummaged through her possessions quickly, finding the handle of the cast-iron frying pan, and swinging it wildly into the side of her husband’s head. Julius had tried to speak just before the impact shut him up and rendered him unconscious, leaving slouched against the side of the cab.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Angelica didn’t miss a beat. The moment the pan struck Julius, she pulled the butcher knife from her left coat pocket and reached across, burying it deep in Rebekka’s belly, and then yanking it up tight to the woman’s sternum. Rebekka gasped, her eyes widened in disbelief, and she instinctively used both hands to try to hold her guts in place. Her effort was admirable for a short time, until she fell over on the seat, with her dead eyes staring uncomprehendingly toward Angelica, and her innards escaping down the seat and creating a mound on the cab floor. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Julius began to regain his senses. He moaned and held his forehead where the pan had struck. He groaned, and moved to push Angelica aside when he saw his wife was in some sort of medical distress. But he wasn’t quick enough, not having the comprehension and clarity of the situation as Angelica had. She acted fast while she had the upper hand, quickly pulling the knife from Rebekka’s midsection and swinging it over and backhanded across Julius’s throat. That attempt merely grazed him, so she tried again, deeper, more determinedly, more accurately, and with more success. The dullish knife gouged, more than cut, his throat and Julius slouched once more, but remained upright as the blood poured from him, and Angelica watched his life drain with it. She tried to get away from him, but weak, tired, and frantic, it took her a few almost-comical manoeuvres with her large belly before she managed to get released from his grip, and outside into the brisk evening air.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">She leaned against the carriage trying to catch her breath, to breathe the fresh air deeply, and then she bent over and tried to be sick. But nothing came. She dry heaved for a long time, worrying how her child was faring with the physical and emotional distress on their systems. But then the nervous convulsions thankfully subsided. Angelica stared up, emotionless, into the night sky.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><b><span style="font-size: large;">v</span></b></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">The only dry matches had been in Julius’s pocket. Soaked in blood, she allowed them to dry for two days before attempting to use one. During that time she had cleaned out the cab and cut the meat from the bodies of her in-laws as best she could. Starving, she was desperate to get the fire started and to get some protein into her for her child’s wellbeing. When she finally tried, she found the matches useless. Despite desperate hunger, she waited another day until she was quite certain the matches were as dry as they could get. She even tried to delicately scrape some of the dried blood from the sulphur tips of a few of them, but that failed too. Something about the blood, she surmised, had made the matches ineffective, so they could not ignite. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">There would be no cooking of the meat.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">Over the next few days Angelica tried several times to eat some of her in-laws’ raw remains that she had managed to keep from freezing. Each time, she vomited violently immediately thereafter, rendering the attempts futile – and the meat wasted. She kept trying, however, and once in a while tried another match until they were all so torn and scraped up that they wouldn’t have been able to ignite in the most pristine of environments. Eventually, she had to admit it was pointless, and she broke down sobbing. She could feel the essence of her child waning.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;">*</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-size: large;">A week later, feverish, half-crazed, she looked wild-eyed to the vague distance, screamed to it, and smashed the skull of Rebekka—the part of the body she had first discarded as useless. The bloated purple face cracked and Angelica turned that side down into the snow so she wouldn’t have to look into its cold, accusing eyes. Then she broke away the thick bone and cupped out the woman’s brain. It was cold, of course, but remained just soft enough to eat, thanks to its cranial insulation. Without hesitation, she took a deep bite into the front of the left hemisphere. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: large;">And it was good. Palatable, at least. She could almost feel her child’s gratitude with every bite.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">As the weather finally cleared and the snow began to melt, Angelica felt stronger, rejuvenated, and she decided she was now healthy enough to head out on foot. There wasn’t much of Rebekka’s brain left, but Julius’s head was in her sack, and that gave her comfort as she headed east with the brilliant morning sun splashing her face with glorious warmth.</span><br />
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<br />chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-72743266475838933502015-03-03T16:15:00.000-08:002015-03-03T16:15:32.756-08:00Updated Reviews<h3 class="post-title entry-title" itemprop="name">
Selected Praise
</h3>
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During those moments that I feel inadequate as a writer, I like to
glance over these reviews of my work. They're nearly all written by strangers,
which makes their words feel more sincere. You can't trust family and
friends when they compliment you; they nearly always ask you to help
them move something heavy immediately after.<br />
<br />
*** <br />
"Brimming with well-observed critiques of modern life, Victor of
Circumstance has some laugh-out-loud moments and satire reminiscent of
John Kennedy Toole."<br />
~Mark A. Rayner, author of The Fridgularity<br />
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Eerie, sad, dark, liberating, redemptive, all of
it. Great story! There are so many good things going on with this one
that I have to try to put them into a succinct fashion.</div>
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Man, I got chills.</div>
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This piece of art is absolutely phenomenal. Good. Freakin'. Job!</div>
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Well done. (And you've just acquired a new fan!)</div>
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Great piece</div>
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=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I really loved the intensity that just exploded off the page</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The story is real and the subject matter is so relevant it's terrifying.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I enjoyed this short story very much!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You really nailed this one.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A wonderful job. You get all A's from me. I have always enjoyed your stories. I look forward to the next one.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You did an amazing job capturing a very difficult topic.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
wonderfully written.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wow! Bravo!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
...but
one, like this one, comes along with the deep underlining theme of
atonement and love and forgiveness that warms the heart and brings an
awe of the author's talent.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can’t begin to explain the many different levels of excellence I find in this piece.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This
story had me bawling! I don’t like to cry but I loved this story. You
did a great job in building sympathy for the main character and in
slowly revealing his story.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Great job!!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The
story has some truly heart rending scenes. The author very effectively,
and at the right time, reveals to the readers what is driving the main
character</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wow.
This is one of the best stories on here! There are so many important
aspects of life described and you are drawn in to an amazing, realistic
journey. I highly recommend this story and hope the author continues to
write.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is a beautiful story. Beautiful, despite its horrors.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>clearly have the gift of observing and drawing on real life to write compelling stories with a very strong hand.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Very Powerful</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I
was strongly affected by this story. There were parts that brought
tears to my eyes; parts that broke my heart; and parts that disturbed
me. Good job!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What a terrible, utterly realistic tale.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The way you described things was <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>painfully
real. You did an excellent job capturing the hatred and the fear and
the helpless feelings that surround that type of situation.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
let me say this about the story; it is superb</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
truly a marvelous, gritty story, a well-described, sometimes harrowing, sometimes funny, but always engaging story.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wow. This was a very, very good short story.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I enjoy dark, alternative, and unique stories, so this was a good read for me.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Great
Storytelling - It comes through loud and clear that you're a gifted
storyteller. I've reviewed literally hundreds of works and yours was one
of only a handful where I turned the page, not because it was assigned
to me, but because I was genuinely engrossed.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">=</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I consider this a first class effort.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is a well written gritty dramatic piece</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Emotionally charged and well contrasted story</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
the message in this story is beautiful. I think you really are a talented writer.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This was a long short story, but I enjoyed every minute of it, well thought<br />
out, and structured just so sweetly. a good story, very well told.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This
is a well written, fast paced read. The story that was told is a real
tear jerker. The situation was real and the telling was real.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I
got comfortable with my special reading glasses a cup of tea and my
comforter, and anticipated a great treat as the writer’s reputation
preceded him.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This was an excellent character study. The subtle, emerging portraits were especially well-written. Very good writing!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thank you for the opportunity to read this fine piece. The writing flowed easily and the word choice was quite pleasing.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What
a wonderful,wonderful slice of life. You've captured a mood and a
moment here that is both moving and recognizable to anyone who has ever
been in a difficult relationship. This is a very nice piece of work.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
stands out with the best I've read.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I find so well written that I'd like to strangle the author out of sheer jealousy!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What
a lovely and touching story. You did a wonderful job capturing the
initial loneliness and hurt. I empathized with your character, there
were times I even felt his pain. Your imagery was beautiful.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Terrific. The setting is fantastic and worked well in this story.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
thoughtfully
beautiful - I did truly enjoy this short story. It was beautifully
descriptive, not only in actually describing things, but for the level
of how the reader can feel this man's pain, pride, sense of
accomplishment and regret.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A really lovely story - The story kept me reading the whole way though</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
very well done. Bravo!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A nicely constructed, thought provoking, very enjoyable read.<br />
<br />
A pleasure to read a piece that shows an apprecation for words,
sentences, paragraphs and grammar. Beautifully done, thanks for a clear,
bright, shining picture.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, the end brought a tear to my eye, so it must be good! Very good read :)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A fine effort at existentialist <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>literature.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What a touching story! The structure was superb as well. Great job!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Good job - this story rocks. I love the word choices and how they are used. <br />
There is no dull moment. Starting from paragraph one you know this is
going to be good. You keep going and it keeps getting better. I totally
ate this story up. Thank you for the great story.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
a neatly told story, quite impressive indeed</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Exceptional.
There is something special about this short that certainly struck a
chord with me. I’m sure there are others who will be touched by it. Your
writing is punchy, colorful, and creative. The visuals are striking and
carry a double meaning that’s apparent on first reading. Truly an
enjoyable read.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
=</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This
story had such a great feel to it. The reader experiences a real
empathy with the writer. well written clear and evocative. Well done
thoroughly enjoyed it.</div>
chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-54715628546012023022014-10-08T00:15:00.000-07:002015-01-20T09:49:29.481-08:00Crunch Time For The Liberal Atheist<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">One more reason in an ever-increasing list of
reasons why I'm finding myself less and less liberal all the time (which does
not mean more conservative - I don't know wtf it means) is the back and forth
the past couple of weeks between the by-the-book liberals and the atheists
regarding Islamist fundamentalism. Liberals argue that criticism of Islamic
ideology is racist. Atheists say when the liberal value of tolerance extends to
tolerating intolerants, it has rendered itself useless. So atheists now find themselves, quite awkwardly, arm-in-arm with conservative anti-Muslim racists and this, understandably, confuses their frequent bedfellows, the liberals.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Despite
the animosity, frustrated confusion, and fall into chaos by liberal-atheists,
it's a fascinating split, intellectually, regardless of your stance on the
issue. Christian conservatives are likely watching the whole spectacle with glee, eating popcorn out of their cowboy hats or whatever they do.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">In the
not too distant past, I was a fairly devout liberal (and if you think that has anything to do with political parties, just stop reading now and be on your way) and, though always wary of
group-think, would naturally be more easily swayed by those with whom I tend to
agree on most issues. Whenever that frightening paradox of tolerating the
intolerants reared its ugly head, I would, probably, like any faithful servant, avoid it as best I could until it went away again.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">But I've
finally had to look at it directly, thanks to ISIS quite dramatically forcing the
argument to centre stage under the brightest of spotlights, and Canada, yesterday,
announcing that we're going to war - again. I'm certainly not on-side with the
conservatives who always fear the unknown, and see everything with a simplistic
'us vs them' mentality, and who are only too happy to send our young troops off
to die for any reason at all - especially since there's nothing like war to
excite their base and provide them with much-needed leverage in the upcoming
federal election. But I can't bring myself to hold hands with the liberals
either, and join in the chorus of espousing the virtues of loving everyone
equally despite the psychotic acts some might perform under the banner of their
religion.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">The end
of the article I'm linking to below provides the solution: sensible Muslims need to
rise up and take control of their religion from the nutters, but that won't
happen overnight, if ever. The nutters in this case are NOT equivalent to the
fringe extremist Christians like Westboro; they are embedded deep and far and
wide within the mainstream culture. Westboro-types couldn't recruit a decent-sized theatre troupe never mind a global
army; ISIS can. So - and even though I'm aware they're a convenient new
boogeyman with which Western powers can scare the shit out of their citizens -
I'm on-board with the atheists who say "Fuck 'em. No more tolerance for
you cocksuckers".</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Though,
mind you, liberal-me *still* doesn't like the idea of sending young women and
men to die over this shit - and I hate the idea of responding to the
provocations of ISIS by doing exactly what they want us to do. If I'm at the
bar and some idiot keeps pushing me and wants to fight, I'm liable to give him
what he wants, but, just maybe, it'd be more prudent for a national government
to act differently than a stupid, drunken Irishman.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">You may notice that I've basically said, "I don't know what the fuck we should do" so it's probably a good thing I'm not a leader of any sort. But I do know that liberals need to think a little deeper than they have been, and force themselves to confront the conundrum. Relying on blind ideology in the face of difficult questions, no matter where you fall on the spectrum, is a waste of what might be a half-decent mind, one that could otherwise, feasibly, help us arrive at clever solutions.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">But yes, I know most will refuse to admit to themselves that the tough questions even exist. It's much easier that way. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Back to your popcorn, conservatives. Nothing to see here.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br /></span></div>
<h3>
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Sam Harris: </span><b><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 13.5pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><a href="http://www.samharris.org/blog/item/can-liberalism-be-saved-from-itself" target="_blank">Can Liberalism Be Saved From Itself?</a><a href="http://www.samharris.org/blog/item/can-liberalism-be-saved-from-itself"></a></span></b></h3>
chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-55151576048803482842014-05-27T10:08:00.000-07:002014-06-18T08:27:56.011-07:00Stars and Other Monsters review<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMfARBrq-WP2I8N9Bsgn6PPxH9Orow_msdBeyuEa27a0ZOtR9B0zB0x_uu5PXAQHTeqZrq24U-XQ3pmaVIuo_rM4y_g-lhEuybfawXj0Ju2zTveaZSQ7PrzQWsBoxD7OE3f2dFDkRKLZkm/s1600/phrokmonsters3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;" title=" "><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMfARBrq-WP2I8N9Bsgn6PPxH9Orow_msdBeyuEa27a0ZOtR9B0zB0x_uu5PXAQHTeqZrq24U-XQ3pmaVIuo_rM4y_g-lhEuybfawXj0Ju2zTveaZSQ7PrzQWsBoxD7OE3f2dFDkRKLZkm/s1600/phrokmonsters3.jpg" height="320" title=" " width="139" /></a></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Title: Stars
and Other Monsters</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Author:
Phronk</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Publisher: Forest
City Pulp</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Release:
(paperback and digital) Friday, 13 June, 2014</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Official:
<a href="http://fuckvampires.com/">fuckvampires.com</a><br />
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Available now at <a href="http://www.amazon.ca/Stars-Other-Monsters-Phronk-ebook/dp/B00KXB1744/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1403105163&sr=1-1" target="_blank">Amazon</a>.</div>
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Let me say off the start that I despise vampire stories. I’ve enjoyed,
perhaps, three of them over the years (Dracula, Salem’s Lot, Children of The
Night), and been disappointed innumerable times. There is one thing worse than vampire
stories, however, and that’s light-hearted and comical vampire stories.<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"> Stars and Other Monsters</i> by
Phronk is a light-hearted and comical vampire story. And, somehow, against all
odds, I thoroughly enjoyed every page of it. </div>
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The story involves a wicked and slimy creature that prowls the night,
seeking out unwitting victims. Is it necessarily evil, though? After all, it is
merely trying to survive. It must surreptitiously stalk its prey, track it
down, and take its picture so it can sell the photos to magazines — and then he
meets a vampire. The reader is left to ponder if one is worse than the other: if
they’re both degenerate parasites, or simply misunderstood by humans. Maybe they have more in common than either would have imagined, and maybe
they are both more human than we think. </div>
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The vampire solicits the aid of the photographer (and his little dog,
too) in her quest to find a film star with whom she’s become rather smitten. The
<span class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="19d2825b-2e03-4bc5-9f5d-b40fe9aab528" id="14ff4fde-9cb7-4b53-93fd-7cfeb4901049"><span class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="216b83d4-78aa-486d-acab-263fe89ccd66" id="0b27a999-c40a-4641-b043-1d8b8d2ead9f"><span class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="2bbae91e-4ecf-45d2-9d7d-3ee168d8267f" id="6a84d8ea-daff-4bca-a989-20fc124c8f28">photog</span></span></span> decides to assist her, as not doing so would result in his gruesome
death, and together they embark upon a journey up through the Western U.S. <span class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="f6b62eb9-dd7e-49f2-a197-643086981e39" id="65088dd0-c81d-44df-815b-593c4bf062ed"><span class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="d444e958-e7d8-4f11-8995-933d559dbc84" id="5b48c76f-ee5f-4fa9-9fb4-545b346b7746"><span class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="f7415b30-aba1-4102-aff5-2758f91515a1" id="6f61d656-6a44-44ed-b6ae-1e0f236e0411">and</span></span></span>
Canada in search of her hunky obsession. The trials they encounter along the way are
one thing; what they find at the climax of their adventure is quite another.</div>
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<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">"Stars"</i> never lets up. It steams
ahead like a locomotive hell-bent on arriving straight to its destination, then
switches tracks when you least expect it, resulting in a wickedly entertaining and
surprising trip.</div>
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I was pleasantly surprised <span class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="8a13754d-7046-4941-89f6-5ecc68b75e85" id="7587d2ca-9a3c-413c-b7d8-b1cacedcf7fe"><span class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="c802f480-d912-4827-a681-ab6c50ef7bb1" id="5e87fd1c-495b-4f90-a967-ce6f5afdd331"><span class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="7304607d-90a0-4095-989f-a58604ab953b" id="6003af33-d731-4976-b5fe-561616f808ea">with</span></span></span> this novel from start to finish. The sweet
charm and morbidity, the <span class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="7cfbb598-857d-48e7-84b4-c635125620e8" id="d6c89033-234a-4d6d-83a4-9248d452fe10"><span class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="44c657a3-3e6b-48d9-b683-a3118e97d3d2" id="23745685-8961-4e37-ab3e-1a80165e1f03"><span class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="3a3383ce-fca0-4bdb-b7eb-0fd0d61dfc0e" id="211c67b5-e5ba-4567-9b5a-6edd0fc73ccc">grotesquerie</span></span></span> and the laugh-out-loud surprises, they all
mesh expertly to provide a thoroughly satisfying read. At no point does it drag,
and it refuses to conform to conventions even while maintaining a comfortable
literary familiarity, mostly. That's no small feat for any author.</div>
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If you enjoy vampire stories, you’ll love <i><span class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="38e451e1-7561-4f5e-8fd3-d589730f21d7" id="1b222cc6-7a1a-45e7-b8b2-9df04f002771"><span class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="6af53bba-b51e-4ac6-8f00-f4fa0fd60a00" id="1d1aca08-b741-4210-ba6c-117e11e3e1c4">Stars</span></span> and Other Monsters</i>. If you hate vampire
stories, you’ll still love it. Highly recommended. Also, the book jacket has laurel leaves on it, so you know it must be good.</div>
chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-49076204010783785882014-04-16T17:56:00.000-07:002014-05-03T20:10:52.171-07:00Rez Roots<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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The original 9 hour mini-series, “Roots”
from 1977, is a grand saga that everyone really should watch in its entirety.
If you saw it decades ago, it’s time to see it again. It’s not just the story
of Gambians sold into slavery and the hardships they faced; it’s the story of
all of us, of humanity, and a lack thereof. And at the very least, it should
force us all to examine ourselves, our beliefs, and our ignorance.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
While watching, an idea formed for
another sweeping spectacle that I’d like to see: one telling the story of a
Canadian First Nations family covering, say, 150 years up to the present.
However, unlike Roots, this one would also trace a white family over the same
period.</div>
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The first generations portrayed
from each family would be generally equal in prosperity. That is, the white
family would be poor immigrant farmers, perhaps trading and even socializing
with their Native brethren. Relative equals.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Then, throughout the five or six
generations leading up to today, we see the white family, having worked hard,
slowly rise in stature - and we witness how similar situations with the whites
are resolved differently from those of the First Nations families.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
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For instance, a white teen is
caught shoplifting and given a conditional discharge, while the Native teen, tried
for the same offense is given a prison sentence. The white teen then grows up
to get a well-paying government job and can raise his kids in greater comfort,
while the Native teen suffers horrific indignities in prison that lead him to
addictions and inability to find gainful employment.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
Show how the whites are climbing the social ladder, oblivious to the horrors going on inside the walls of residential schools, destroying souls.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
Generation after generation, white privilege
helps that family rise up, while the Native family sinks lower and lower – not through
any lack of character or intelligence or anything other than circumstances based on the shade of their skin. And
as this happens in different First Nations families, they marry and have kids that are raised
in near impossible circumstances from which to overcome, and whites become more
and more racist against what they increasingly perceive as an inferior <span class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="4faf9956-1a84-4bd5-80e2-0e0f955d7708" id="936e23e8-2602-48a3-9aa9-c02e59178c82">people</span>
- as the prosperity gap widens.</div>
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<br /></div>
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The contrast between the intergenerational
traumas the Native family deals with, compared to the prospering white family becomes starker
with every passing generation until we reach today when, through the magic of
fiction, 30 year olds from each family meet up again - and the rich white guy, a
“nice guy”, brings the pan-handling Native in out of the cold for a hot coffee,
and tries to get through to him that he could do so for well for himself if he
just stopped being lazy and pulled himself up by his
bootstraps.</div>
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<br /></div>
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That sort of thing.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
If it was done right, it just might
be able to help some whites gain a little clearer picture of the reality and,
perhaps, lessen the great depth of our ignorance - just a little. Accuse me of being a sanctimonious twat if you like, I don't really care. But our collective, enormous willful ignorance is the biggest hurdle that we need to overcome, and I really see no indication of that happening.</div>
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<br /></div>
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What I do see is white soccer <span class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="c9113525-2e27-4c9c-b612-e5e016124c02" id="650d0474-4335-4e5f-bca2-425b52ae0fdf">moms</span> cheerleading for women's rights while not giving a second thought to the plight of "their sisters" who have no clean drinking water and tend to disappear regularly without much alarm being raised, and white men giving other white men a hand up when they fall on hard times - times that are nowhere near as hard as what <span class="GINGER_SOFTWARE_mark" ginger_software_uiphraseguid="c9113525-2e27-4c9c-b612-e5e016124c02" id="1ba1a89c-9963-406e-8765-b892c345c9a5">their</span> Native "brothers" face, but do nothing for them. (I'm one of the white guys who has greatly benefitted from that)</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">
Anyway, rambling now, but someone go make that mini-series.</div>
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<br /></div>
chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-26136148699613820332013-10-11T01:35:00.001-07:002017-05-25T15:29:04.717-07:00Ensure Your Indignation Is Justified<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve been focusing on not letting things bug me. So it
really bugs me now when things bug me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here’s what’s bugging me: unsubstantiated cases
of sexism, racism, and homophobia. Battling these ugly warts has always been
the right thing to do but now it’s also become the in thing to do. That in
itself, I suppose, is a good thing. But it leads to ridiculous levels of
political correctness, so much so that the facts of the matters are often
completely overlooked in our rush to condemn a perceived offender.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It looks to me that it often starts with an opportunist
eager to lead a lynch mob for no more legitimate reason than they want to lead.
They see a situation where there’s a possibility to misinterpret someone’s innocent
intent and contort it into a malicious deed. Once that’s accomplished, the mob
slowly builds, then snowballs all over Twitter, and probably Facebook and
whatever as well.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
People don’t review the situation with an open mind. They don’t
want to. They willfully ignore the facts that show the perception is wholly
inaccurate because joining the mob and showing how they, too, are deeply offended
by the situation shows off their moral character. But really, they’d show a
hell of a lot more character if they examined the evidence – easily found
evidence, usually right within the initial link – and asked themselves: is this
really the situation I was told it was? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I bring this up now because it seems to be popping up more
and more lately. Or maybe I’m just noticing it more. I don’t think so, though.
I believe it’s a trend that is made convenient by Twitter. I believe Twitter is
much more than a simple micro-blogging tool; it’s the evolution of the hivemind
in its infancy, and as an infant, it’s prone to some pretty infantile
behaviour.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A couple of examples of the trend I’m referring to: </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yesterday, I caught a retweet of the condemnation via
Twitter of David Gilmour, a (former?) CBC personality who discussed the arts on
his tv show. He’s also a distinguished author in his own right, and now a
literature teacher at U of T. Here’s the article: <a href="http://www.cbc.ca/newsblogs/yourcommunity/2013/10/alice-munro-fans-tear-into-david-gilmour-following-nobel-prize-win.html">http://www.cbc.ca/newsblogs/yourcommunity/2013/10/alice-munro-fans-tear-into-david-gilmour-following-nobel-prize-win.html</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There’s nothing wrong with this piece. It’s just a neutral
account of the reaction to how an interview with Gilmour related to the
announcement of Alice Munro winning a Nobel prize. You’ll notice the tone of
the tweets right away: smug, almost giddy. It was so glorious that Munro won
the award right after Gilmour so viciously condemned female writers for being
inferior and not worth reading. Oh, the brilliant timing! The thing is, he did NOTHING OF THE SORT. Doesn’t matter. The smug Twits
take it as a fact that he did. So either they didn’t bother reading the
interview, or they chose to stumble over the truth, and then picked themselves
up and carried on as if nothing had happened (thanks for that one, Churchill).
Either way, their indignation is wholly unjustified.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Recently, a similar uproar arose because a woman is playing
a romantic game with her boyfriend that has to do with making sandwiches. The real
situation was ignored then, too, and I watched the story as it morphed into one
about The Worst Boyfriend On Earth, which didn’t even bother stating the facts.
Why should it? They’d just go unnoticed en masse anyway so might as well leave
them out and save valuable keystrokes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There’s a commercial on the tv where a couple are shopping
for something and a guy who is apparently a famous football player and reality
show fixture shows up. The husband knows him from football. The wife knows him
from the tv show. Neither are aware of his other job. Because husbands watch
football and wives watch the other show - that's the joke. It’s not funny. It’s just
a dumb commercial. But the producers are assuming stereotypical habits of both
genders. Is there an uproar? I’ve no idea but I doubt it – unless Twitter sets
its sights on it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yet, when someone at a local radio station harmlessly
tweeted a similar joke about women not caring about football, there was a local
little microcosm of an uproar about how ignorant the guy (or girl) was. People swore they’d
never tune in to the station again, others responded with curse words and vile insults at the person,
in caps no less. You'd think s/he had said women shouldn't be allowed to watch football.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In none of these situations did anyone disparage women in
any way, yet in all cases there was an assumption that they did, and then the assumption was contorted into 'fact' that that they did. If this was once, I probably wouldn’t
notice but it’s showing up a lot, the very same pattern.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Someone made a joke that women are less inclined to be good
at reading maps than men. A stereotype for sure, but wholly innocuous. I happen
to know the guy who said it has the utmost respect for women, yet he was
cautioned that he’d “hear about that.” </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I mentioned that I don’t like South Asian-style music, and
was branded a racist. The inference, I guess, being that in order to not be a
racist, I must like all styles of music.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And now my point! </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are so many actual cases of racism and sexism and
homophobia out there that we need to contend with. It’s up to all of us to
stand up and fight against it when we see it - and none of the three are hard to
see at all. Sadly, they're all over the place. But when we become so politically correct that we shout sexist! racist!
over every stupid little thing where they don’t even exist, then the genuine, ugly
instances are just thrown in with the lot – and that only serves to lessen our
capacity to fight them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The next time you see an indignant tweet about a perceived
slight to a race or gender or whatever, take the time to find out exactly what
the truth of the matter is, then decide for yourself if it’s really worth
condemning someone for. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If we can eliminate the nonsense, the real assholes
will be easier to find.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-600548158384772632013-05-02T19:10:00.001-07:002014-03-19T20:23:28.918-07:00Possible Stories<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>“Write a story about
the number thirteen. You have a few weeks.”
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<br /></div>
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That’s all I was told by a woman on the other side of the
world whom I’ve never met. No theme. No genre. No strict word count. Just...
thirteen.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I was intrigued, and terrified. I’ve never written any
fiction under deadline or on demand, and now I was going to have to do both if
I accepted the challenge. I accepted. </div>
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<br /></div>
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I see Mike Wolfson’s blog post turned into an exercise in
utter self-indulgence. I think it’s sad that writers insist on creating such
pieces, becoming wholly convinced that everyone will be fascinated with their
personal writing process. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>I shall follow his lead because I, too, am a writer.</div>
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<br /></div>
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My Possible Stories are invariably tales that begin their
gestation as minor annoyances, just under the skin, that I scratch distractedly.
Most of them are likely relieved at that point and are eternally forgotten
before they ever reach anything close to cognition. Some are a little more
persistent and continue to itch sporadically until I actually take note of
them. At this point I’ll realize mere scratching is futile and they aren’t
going to go away unless I concentrate on the area and dedicate some effort to
removing the incessant bother. This proves effective for many of the remaining
Possible Stories.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Tragically, some take even more concentration and require a
great deal of thought and planning before I can figure out how to rid myself of
them, but I eventually prevail – usually. You see, I don’t particularly enjoy
writing. I never do it for pleasure or the love of the craft. I love having
written but that’s a very different thing. So for me to actually write a story –
for a Possible Story to morph into a Real Story - it must be a mother of an itch
that spreads to become a full body rash that torments my sleep and renders me
useless for any reasonable purpose. </div>
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<br /></div>
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I often concede defeat at three in the morning or so, after several
hours of having rearranged my blankets and pillows and pretended all the while
that my brain is not infested with a million itchy little bits of fibreglass
insulation. I will then scream and jump from the bed and race to my keyboard to
start writing. Only then am I capable of understanding what insidious factor
made the itch so unbearable that nothing less traumatic than writing could cure
me of its torment. </div>
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<br /></div>
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Discovering the root is always a pleasure. It’s like a thin
cool coat of Polysporin applied upon a maddening mosquito bite that has been
mangled and bloodied by crazed attempts to eradicate it from existence. </div>
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<br /></div>
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That root is nearly always an element of human nature that I’d
never before considered and am then compelled to share. It’s often an ironic or
tragically amusing observation on mankind's ridiculousness (often my own). Once I’ve found it, concocting a
fictitious story around it is the much easier part of the process after all
that nonsense I’ve already gone through by that point.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I’ll write, then, like a thing possessed. Responsibilities,
nourishment, and grooming be damned till I’ve got a first draft hammered out
and fluffed up and nicely pressed. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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No more itch. A Possible Story has beaten my best efforts to scratch it away and emerged victorious despite the odds.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I realize that’s a crazy method of writing. I’m in awe of
those people who have self discipline and write so many hours or so many words each
morning, inspired or not. I have no idea how to do that.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So – thirteen. That’s what I started talking about. I forced
myself to start writing and luckily the itch presented itself soon thereafter. I
was worried that it wouldn’t and I’d disappoint the woman on the other side of
the world whom I’ve never met. I doubt that a woman scorned concerns herself
much with the trivialities of great physical distances.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Twelve other writers, too, are contributors to Project 13,
including The Woman herself, <a href="http://francesca-mansfield.webs.com/" target="_blank">Francesca Mansfield</a>, and the aforementioned Mike
Wolfson. <a href="http://labs.triggerstreet.com/" target="_blank">Triggerstreet Labs</a> is our common stomping ground, and we do our twittering <a href="https://twitter.com/TheTSL13" target="_blank">@TheTSL13</a>. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The anthology should be available before too long It's gonna be pretty awesome. You'll see.</div>
chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-19704398616191729412013-04-10T21:41:00.004-07:002021-05-15T16:41:00.658-07:00Peaks and Valleys<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Many of us, clear on the fact that tomorrow will be a
miserable experience due to our actions tonight, are choosing to indulge in
alcohol because it contributes to pleasure at the moment. We’re willing to be
devoid of happiness later for the benefits of feeling happy now.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Others, will not. They will choose to forgo present happiness
to avoid unhappiness later. They will choose to not be happy now, knowing their
friends are laughing and enjoying themselves, because the future unhappiness
wouldn’t be worth it to them.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One married man will choose to spend an amazing night with a
beautiful woman even while being fully cognizant that the later guilt will be torturous
for him. Another will go home.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Morals, ids, and addictions aside, we all make decisions
constantly on when and how much happiness we will trade for misery. We each have
our own general range that we won’t usually surpass, within the grander scale, on
which we differ widely from one another.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some of us would consider a broken leg a reasonable price
for experiencing the extraordinary high of skydiving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would you? Or is it not worth it?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I constantly hear that YOLO and if you don’t carpe that diem
then your existence is being tragically wasted. This philosophy doesn’t seem to have any
detractors and I’m not sure why. Why should it just be a ‘given’ that those who
have the most exhilarating experiences are living “properly”, while those who
forgo them are subjected to our pity and, often, our scorn? “To each his own”
is another popular personal philosophy but if you believe that, then you can’t believe
it’s a mistake for someone to not wish for exhilaration in their life.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
‘Carpe diem’ reaches many us so profoundly, I believe, because we live lives of quiet desperation and fear going to the grave with the song
still in us. But there are those of us who see our human lives as a shockingly
brief and trivial micro-moment and harbour no particular anxieties about not accomplishing
and experiencing things that will be soon forgotten in any case. Those who ensure their names survive the longest are likely the ones most horrified by the nature of life. And what does it matter? How is a king we remember a thousand later any better off than a nameless peasant who lived under his rule. One's as dead as the other. Was the negative stress of achieving such 'greatness' worth it for the king? Was the constant anxiety from which he likely suffered worth it? Or would he have been better off doing without it?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That lack of anxiety is the point of this piece.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Avoiding it, often means having less interesting outer experiences
than others, but greatly reduced anxiety is worth that to some. So why should
some people insist that the high anxiety they endure by working 75 hours every week in stressful jobs to supply the means of exciting adventures and really cool stuff, is something everyone should
experience to consider their lives well-lived? Why, instead, is a well-lived
life not one that had endured the least negative stress along the way?<br />
<br />
Our aggressive approach to living, caused, I imagine, by our disappointment at not being immortal within this skin, is the Original Anxiety and all that stems from it is a sad comedy of perpetual little anxieties that never cease until - yep, death; the death that arrives whether you were anxious or not, whether or not you experienced adventures or had all the trendiest toys.<br />
<br />
If this is all there is - if it turns out there's nothing but nothing after death - then basking in how wonderful it feels to be without negative stress just might be the best damn thing in all existence. Yet so many consciously choose to sacrifice that feeling in pursuit of worldly thrills and gains. To say they have 'lived.' How certain are they that they aren't making the error of the ages?<br />
<br />
Take a moment to consider the possibility that long-lasting earthly contentedness is an experience not duplicated any where or when in whatever reality is. And then consider that you have a ridiculously short time to experience that treasure. And more often than not, you sacrifice it for something much less precious.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Is it really so “wrong” to limit your peaks in order to
limit your valleys?<br />
<br />
Consider chilling. Or don't. I'm cool either way.</div>
chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-22177848296449534572013-04-09T13:35:00.004-07:002014-03-19T20:15:23.606-07:00One Of The Best (Really) Short Stories...The Solipsist by Fredric March <br />
<br />
Walter B. Jehovah, for whose name I make no apology since it
really was his name, had been a solipsist all his life. A
solipsist, in case you don't happen to know the word, is one who
believes that he himself is the only thing that really exists,
that other people and the universe in general exist only in his
imagination, and that if he quit imagining them, they would cease
to exist.<br />
<br />
One day, Walter B. Jehovah became a practicing solipsist.
Within a week, his wife had run away with another man, he'd lost
his job as a shipping clerk and he had broken his leg chasing a
black cat to keep it from crossing his path.<br />
<br />
He decided, in a hospital, to end it all.<br />
<br />
Looking out the window, staring up at the stars, he wished
them out of existence, and they weren't there anymore. Then he
wished all other people out of existence, and the hospital became
strangely quiet, even for a hospital. Next the world, and he
found himself suspended in a void. He got rid of his body quite
easily and then took the final step of willing <i>himself</i>
out of existence.<br />
<br />
Nothing happened.<br />
<br />
Strange, he thought, can there be a limit to solipsism?<br />
<br />
"Yes," a voice said.<br />
<br />
"Who are you??" Walter B. Jehovah asked.<br />
<br />
"I am the one who created the universe which you have just
willed out of existence. And now that you have taken my
place"---there was a deep sigh---"I can finally cease my own
existence, find oblivion, and let you take over."<br />
<br />
"But---how can <i>I</i> cease to exist? That's what I'm
trying to do, you know."<br />
<br />
"Yes, I know," said the voice. "You must do it the same
way I did. Create a universe. Wait until someone in it really
believes what you believed and wills it out of existence. Then
you can retire and let him take over. Good-bye now."<br />
<br />
And the voice was gone. Walter B. Jehovah was alone in the
void an there was only one thing he could do. He created the
heaven and the earth.<br />
<br />
It took him seven days.
chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-15018143175063495042013-03-05T14:41:00.000-08:002014-03-19T20:23:28.913-07:00Day FiveEver wonder what goes through the mind of a man who has gone five days without internet?<br />
<br />
The Bell van finally came after I sent this. They didn't fix anything but they tamper-proofed the service box so nobody else could help me either then ran away. I wish to hell I was joking.<br />
<br />
=<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana;"><span style="font-size: 12px;"></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Day Five:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Still no sign of a connection. Increasingly I find
myself glaring intently to the horizon until the image of a Bell van
conjures there and I can hope against hope that it is real, and that
it’s on its way to rescue me. I concentrate determinedly on not blinking
for I know that when I do, the mirage will dissipate along with the
fanciful notion that I will once again join the online community –
become an entity again. A person.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sometimes these days, as the memories continue to
fade, I wonder if I was ever online at all, if there ever actually was
such a creation and that I was a participant of it, and this “modem” is
nothing more than a green blinking mockery of my tortured mind. Perhaps
this is the reality that has always been and the sheer loathsome boredom
of this pointless existence has created a fantasy past in my mind, one
in which people – many, many people – were just a tweet away. The answer
to the eternal question “Who was that guy who was in that film with
whatshername, her with the whiny voice?” was discovered in a moment with
a mere click. The answer to all of life’s mysteries just that same
simple click away.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It wasn’t real. It can’t have been real. The more I
consider it, the more I’m convinced that the magic long ago world that I
have envisioned and had been convinced was as real as this clean, clean
apartment in which I inhabit, the more certain I become of its illusory
nature. There probably never was a time when I could click a button and
see the Leafs play, another to discover the weather conditions without
ever having to glance out a window, yet another to stare approvingly at
pictures of Nicole Kidman’s naked boobies. Oh, God, those sweet naked
boobies. And why can’t I think of a more recent example of starlet
beauty than Nicole Kidman, perhaps one popular in this millennium?
That’s how hopeless it has all become.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The past, yesterday, does it matter if it happened
in reality or just my mind? Is there even more to reality than just my
mind anyway? Perhaps my mind isn’t even real, relegating its memories to
an even lesser degree of tangible significance. Who knows, there’s no
way of knowing, but these are the haunting questions the lone netless
man must contemplate once everything that can be cleaned has been
cleaned, when even the drawer with the dead batteries and the Canadian
Tire money has been organized, and the dog has a baldy runway down his
back from being stroked too severely for too long.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t know if anyone will ever receive this email
but, like every day, I shall stuff it into a bottle and with a primal
scream hurl it as far as I can into the ebbing tide and I will sit, and I
will conjure up more heroic Bell vans rocking gently on the distant
horizon, and I will dream. I must continue to dream.<br />
<br />
==<br />
<br />
And that's just one guy with no net. Can you imagine if it happened to everyone all at once? Actually, you don't have to because Mark Rayner has imagined it for us in <a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Fridgularity-ebook/dp/B00A2FL9PS/ref=sr_1_sc_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1362599758&sr=8-2-spell&keywords=frigdularity" target="_blank">The Fridgularity</a>. </div>
chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-80813150290285852532013-02-02T11:26:00.000-08:002014-03-19T20:20:25.958-07:00This, Too, Shall Pass<!--[if !mso]>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Today, a friend noted that “you don’t develop thicker skin”
when attacked, “it’s scar tissue."
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I half-joked that in the loss of feeling, there’s comfort to
be found in the numbness. For me, that numbness has been quite soothing, as
it sure as hell beats the relentless pain that preceded it. It’s safe to say I
spent most of the last 5 years or so in deep and profound mental anguish. The ‘numbness’
that currently prevails stems from the notion of impermanence.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I told a different friend recently that my mantra is now that
of a John Cougar record title: </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Nothing Matters And What If It Did</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
She asked no questions, perhaps assuming it was some
depressing “oh, woe is me” type of shit. But that’s not it at all. It’s simply
that, in the big picture, nothing – at all – matters, and that understanding
brings with it a tremendous freedom from burdens of all kinds. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t think that it’s defeatist (though there’s certainly
an argument to made that it is), or nihilistic, or anything but comforting - a
wonderful alleviation of self-imposed pain. Punch yourself in the face
repeatedly. Now stop. Doesn’t that feel awesome? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Life: Don’t get your knickers in a twist about it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Or, more aptly explained by <a href="http://jamesshelley.net/" target="_blank">James Shelley</a> in one of his thoughtful
<a href="http://caesuraletters.com/" target="_blank">Caesura Letters</a>...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">IMPERMANENCE*</span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><u><span style="font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"><br /></span></u></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Palatino","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">If you go a funeral in the Buddhist Theravada
tradition, you will likely hear these words:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Palatino","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Transient are all compounded things,<br />
Subject to arise and vanish;<br />
Having come into existence they pass away;<br />
Good is the peace when they forever cease.<br />
(Mahaa-Parinibbaana Sutta 6.14)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Palatino","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Accepting the impermanence of the world is a
cornerstone in Buddhist teaching. It means acknowledging that everything about
you and the world around you is simply an “arising and passing away” (Kalupahana,
1976, p. 37).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Palatino","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">However, impermanence is not only a philosophical
idea; it is also an empirical reality. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Palatino","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">“Impermanence rules the world, and that
is something permanent,” writes Ajahn Chah (Chah, 2005, p. 10). </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Palatino","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Everything we
create is temporary, as is everything we accomplish and acquire. The empires we
build for ourselves are nothing but anthills of busyness, which will eventually
be washed away or moved by another generation. Nothing that we own truly
belongs to us—at best we are renting our possessions for only as long as we are
alive to enjoy them—and yet even then they crumble between our fingers. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Palatino","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Moth
and rust destroy, and thieves break in and steal (Matthew 6:19). The molecules
of the tallest, strongest skyscraper will eventually succumb to gravity. Even our
greatest feats and edifices are makeshift and momentary.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Palatino","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">The ideas in our minds and our mansions of bricks
and mortar—all is impermanence; perishable creations; little blips in this
great cycle of arising and passing away.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Palatino","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Could anything be more liberating?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Palatino","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">The greatest sources of stress, angst, and
pain—what are they? They are but particles of impermanence, echoes
fading into the distance. Why do we cling to them? Why do we throw a childish
tantrum when our feeble, ephemeral desires fail to curtail the unstoppable
march of change around us? Why do we foolishly assume that we will build
something that will eternally mirror our own vanishing images?</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Palatino","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">Today: let go.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Palatino","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;">==</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: "Palatino","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-language: EN-CA;"> </span></div>
<address>
<strong>* Copyright.</strong> The Caesura Letters are licensed under a<a href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-sa/3.0/"> Creative Commons Attribution- NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.</a><strong></strong></address>
<address>
</address>
<address>
<strong>Sharing.</strong> Under this license, you are free to
share the letters with others (including, but not limited to, quoting
them in your own work, forwarding them to friends, or quoting them on
your blog or site) as long as 1) you provide citations that link back to
<a href="http://caesuraletters.com/">caesuraletters.com</a>, 2) the
writing and content is not used for commercial purposes, 3) the writing
and content is not resold or packaged, and 4) others are free to share
the content in like manner.</address>
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<![endif]-->chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-55847831014903545302013-01-30T15:38:00.001-08:002014-03-19T20:25:19.872-07:00It's The End Of The World But Everything's Cool<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj27MeKcFyUSvb4SYXUvSchEBdEVovLezxfeHygoYuObLTDG1MrmhktIXqaClVSbhjfbFfOnVwPAbSV0E8TKK4H7cxoFfll-RlhUJzHi6jYWVrj8cxcMMU-pKsYU5sN_4e-v31DlmkARA1L/s1600/fridgularity.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj27MeKcFyUSvb4SYXUvSchEBdEVovLezxfeHygoYuObLTDG1MrmhktIXqaClVSbhjfbFfOnVwPAbSV0E8TKK4H7cxoFfll-RlhUJzHi6jYWVrj8cxcMMU-pKsYU5sN_4e-v31DlmkARA1L/s320/fridgularity.jpg" width="208" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
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<div class="MsoNormal">
There’s Something In The Fridge. And It’s Cold...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Will the Technological Singularity lead us to an Amana
Nirvana? Or perhaps some place we Frigidaire not think about?</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As is befitting a concerned citizen of this planet, Mark A.
Rayner has opportunistically and shamelessly jumped on the “Singularity” bandwagon
and incorporated the topical subject into his new novel, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Fridgularity</i>.</div>
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<br /></div>
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If you’re familiar with his previous works, such as <a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Amadeus-Net-ebook/dp/B005D1LH9E/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_5"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Amadeus Net</i></a> and <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Marvellous-Hairy-novel-fractals/dp/0986662704/ref=ntt_at_ep_dpt_3"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Marvellous Hairy</i></a>, or his collection of short bits, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Pirate-Therapy-Other-Cures-Rayner/dp/098666278X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1359589771&sr=8-1&keywords=pirate+therapy"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Pirate Therapy and Other Cures</i></a>, well,
then you already know Rayner’s a bit of a nutcase. A nutcase, however, with a
wickedly funny imagination, a proven talent for telling unique stories well,
and, most importantly, an enduring charm of extraordinary proportions. </div>
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You’ll be pleased to discover these elements of his previous
writing haven’t forsaken him this time around, nor has his <span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">characteristic
covert solemnity; it resides, as always, quietly beneath the silly surface,
warming the reader’s heart and provoking thought. Like a Dr. Seuss for big
people.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">The baddie in Fridgularity, the “prophet” Sona, is a gamer hell-bent,
so to speak, on leading a revolt against an emerging technological “god”, even
if it means sacrificing his lame, virginal existence in the process; it’s a
price he’s willing to pay.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">His counterpart, Blake, is the sole representative for the digital
consciousness, which has manifested in Blake’s web-enabled fridge (hey, it
could happen). It seems to be the Internet, forming itself into a sentient
being, learning as it grows - and considering the benefits of annihilating the
seemingly hopeless species known as Man. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Its first act is to restrict human access to the ‘net, which has,
understandably, dire consequences for daily living. As societies begins to
collapse around the globe, Blake must balance a fine line between his computer
and human instructors, and his own sense of duty and morality, to try to make
everything cool again. He may even have an ethereal assistant of sorts, whether
he’s aware of it or not.</span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Fridgularity is a wonderfully wacky must-read for anyone who has
concerns about Accelerating Artificial Intelligence, religious zealots in
monkey suits, portly pirates, and the true nature of spirituality as it may
exist within us and throughout the universe. Anyone who manages to stitch, seamlessly,
all these elements into one finely-tuned novel, is worth reading for the sheer awe
of the experience. The poignant underlying message is just gravy. </span></div>
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<span style="mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">You can find Fridgularity, along with Rayner’s other works, at <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Mark-A.-Rayner/e/B003ZPDIF6/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_pop_1">Amazon</a> or <a href="http://markarayner.com/books/fridgularity/index.html">markarayner.com</a></span></div>
chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-70738715868164044652013-01-30T04:21:00.000-08:002014-03-19T20:15:23.626-07:00Blessed Are The Playmakers<br />
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Figured I oughtta write this dream down before I forget it,
as it has the makings for a good story/play. Perhaps, even, The Greatest Story
Ever Told...</div>
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<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>About two millennia ago,
a theatre producer/con man, inspired by a seminar, decides to start a religious
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followers, and that he doesn’t fit the bill himself. So he decides to hire a
puppet a leader.</div>
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In order to find the perfect leader to play his Son of God
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actor for the part?</div>
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<br /></div>
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He sets out to do this and posts ads in the paper (“must
speak fluent aramaic and be conversational in Hebrew” – is all i remember from
the dream). Getting frustrated with all those auditioning for the role, he
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The play’s a flop, as there was no effort put into making it
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remaining in character all the time “to hone his acting skills”.</div>
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He never does put on another play, telling his actor nobody
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I woke up before I know if the producer succeeds or if it
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character, or something entirely different happens.</div>
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<br /></div>
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I just hope this isn’t the plot for Joseph and the Super
Starred Jesus Coat or one of those shows I’m not really familiar with. Wouldn’t
be the first time I’ve done that.</div>
chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-69211251104101913762012-12-13T05:54:00.001-08:002012-12-13T06:16:40.798-08:00<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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From the documentary
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=wg1fs6vp9Ok&list=PLDB23537556D7AADB#!">From The Big Bang To Us; Made Easy</a></div>
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<br /></div>
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They didn’t have the technology to find out, so they guessed
that magical beings had created it all. If you prefer making wild guesses than
making observations based on calculation, then here is a sealed box. Spend the
next ten minutes guessing what’s inside, and come back again at the end of this
video.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because this video doesn’t cover
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<br /></div>
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...</div>
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<br /></div>
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guesses, tells you nothing. You’re really no better off than the bronze-age
farmers who<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>looked up at the stars and
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<br /></div>
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To me, the real story of the universe is way more
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<br /></div>
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We are the first people in human history not to wonder, not
to guess, but to know.</div>
chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-48370043055468014692012-11-24T22:16:00.003-08:002014-03-19T20:20:25.935-07:00Drunken Anthropology Lesson<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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A friend recently tossed this out into the twittersphere:</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Trying to put my finger on why progressives back off the
pressure when the other guy is on the ropes but conservatives go for the kill.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, loosen yer boots and set a spell and I’ll tell ya how that
came about...</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the beginning, we got fed up with falling out of trees
when sleeping, so we hopped down and started chasing antelope around and similar creatures like
that. The extra thought processes required to capture swift running herds led
to huge changes in the brain; we needed to get smarter. Not just to catch food,
but to catch it before the other clans, and keep those other clans away, and to
steal <i>their</i> food when convenient.</div>
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<br /></div>
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So we sat down around the campfire one day and pondered how
we might go about achieving all that. After some long, hard discussion, we
finally decided the best thing to do for ourselves and the survival of our species was to
become Conservatives. Being mistrustful of other clans ensured they couldn’t
dominate us, and helped with our survival. Hording all for ourselves and to
hell with them was likewise a fruitful endeavour.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Those of us who held these conservative values flourished
and started begatting all over the place and laughed as other clans faded out. If
you didn’t think like a conservative, that was your fate and you were just
plain stupid and deserved to die.</div>
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<br /></div>
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So a few hundred generations later, we’re all hardwired that
way – it’s simply part of the human instinct to behave conservatively for the
survival of the species. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then one sunny afternoon we discovered agriculture. That was
like, the sweetest thing ever and we kicked ourselves for not coming up the
idea sooner. It sure saved a lot of running around and ending up in places like
Norway. But a curious thing happened when we began to stay put and operate farms
and build communities: all that hardwired conservativism suddenly became less
of a strategic advantage and somewhat of a counterproductive one. Collecting
and sharing proved more useful in this new environment, and considering future
generations rather than just the immediate one. this was a whole new ballgame.</div>
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<br /></div>
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As communities became larger, we started to realize that
even if we didn’t know a fellow human, it was a good idea to help feed him if
he was hungry and house him if he was without a roof and nurse him if he was
sick. This was obviously contrary to our general nature but doing so worked to
save the community, and when the community was saved, it flourished. </div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The inhabitants of the most socially caring communities
fared better than those who still lived by the archaic conservative standards that were a good
idea at the time. So these new liberal-minded folks did a lot more begetting and
their ‘values’, which were nothing more than best survival techniques just as
the others had been previously, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>started to become
hardwired and replacing the old ways.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The problem is, that was a mere ten thousand years ago. It’s
the sensible way to go, and the way to future survival as cities continue to
grow larger, but it has nowhere near the seniority of the deeply-entrenched conservative mind
which refuses to die out. If we survive long enough,
socially-caring minds will eventually completely take over the selfish every-ape-for-himself mentality that’s so
stubbornly persistent.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So – between actual physical attributes and environmental
factors, our brains possess both the old and the new survival techniques and we
live our lives, and “think”, generally, one way or the other. We just happen to
be at a point in history where the old and the new must exist together. The good news is,
once we get through it, we’ll be flying. The bad news is, that could take
many more hundreds, if not thousands, of years, and the old conservative mindset in the age of the
cloud will be a damn dangerous thing indeed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But that’s another story.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thanks for the inspiration for this, Shawn!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Disclaimer: this was written late at night while inebriated
and may or may not contain any sense.</div>
chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-49963347005466964572012-11-23T05:53:00.000-08:002014-03-19T20:20:25.940-07:00My Exceedingly Unpopular Take On Weddingate Because The Clearly Outlined Point Will Be Ignored<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Disclaimer: This is entirely based on how the situation
appears to me on Twitter. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, I wasn’t going to weigh in on this blog-wise, but I’m
tired of seeing the few who are speaking up for reason and a thoughtful
approach being lambasted, and even subtly threatened with diminished future
opportunities if they don’t start agreeing with the popular opinion. I sincerely
wish people at the heart of the mob mind could step back and witness their own
behaviour. Slowly, the “end justifies the means” is creeping in to their
philosophy and will only escalate down the road as “ends” with even greater
stakes will be justified with<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>even
greater “means”.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No one seems to like Joe Fontana. I’m sure someone must, but
I’ve yet to hear anyone recently make such a bold claim.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of the people I know and associate with,
respect and consider friends, share my concerns about his selfish, short-sighted “zero tax increase no matter
the cost” stance, and his position at the head of the “Fontana 8” council
voting bloc that consistently respects political allegiance above citizen
concerns. Those are two solid reasons to wish the man away into oblivion.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Unfortunately, in the rush to make that wish come true,
otherwise thoughtful and fair citizens are failing to see some glaring problems
in their own position – not the least of which is because such circles of
support with each other go round and round, bolstering each other’s confidence
in their righteousness until any opposing viewpoint is simply incomprehensible
and certainly not worthy of actual consideration.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But that’s a rather abstract notion. More concrete is that
many of these people tilt to the left and would normally scrutinize the claims of the London Free
Press, being a Sun Media publication. If Fontana was a mayor these people approved of,
they would certainly be questioning every media allegation along the way.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yet I see no one concerned that a Sun paper received anonymous
information that led to the Conservative government pressing for charges against a former Liberal. Quite
possibly there’s nothing to that, but surely some journalists would want to
look into it (I'm sure Free Press journalists would agree), and some concerned citizens would be appreciative if they did.
And if there was something to it, then it’s possible the Free Press was simply a
pawn in the game and had no part in a Tory scheme. Not that I have any reason to believe that's the case. The point is, those who
would otherwise wonder about such things, voice these concerns and put them
front and centre, simply aren’t discussing it whatsoever. Why? Because it’s
contrary to their great wish of seeing Fontana gone at any price -a worthwhile end justifying less than noble means.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As for the well known petition (created by someone I consider a friend) that’s been signed by, I
think, less than one third of one percent of Londoners, no one says “consider
all the facts and decide if you agree this is something you would like to sign”.
No, it’s constant, urgent pleas to sign, sign, sign! Don’t think. We’ve already
thought for you. Don’t question, just sign. Now. Here’s the convenient link.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Scores of people have expressed their deep disgust with
Fontana for using public money to fund his son’s wedding. These people have
undoubtedly signed, even though the most rational among the anti-Fontana mob
occasionally remind them that he’s yet to be found guilty of anything. But
there are a lot of those people who post how horrible he is for committing such a crime. I wonder how many have signed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As well as those who believe the man is guilty until proven
innocent, there are those with strictly political motives. They have no doubt all
signed and done their best to coax others into signing as well. Then there are
those with their own career goals who wish to show that they’re team players
and have signed because it’s the prudent thing to do personally. I’m sure there
is no shortage of that type. And, of course, as with any mob, there are those
who are caught up in the enthusiasm and want to jump on the bandwagon simply because
mobs have that exciting, contagious effect - simple human nature.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of all those people in all those different groups, none of
them are the ones the genuine petition supporters claim they want signing –
they say they want people to sign it who believe the mayor should temporarily
step aside due to the distracting nature of his situation (although the petition
was created 3 or 4 weeks ago when the only distraction was by the ones claiming
it was distracting).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My concern here is that those publicly exclaiming what the
correct purpose for the petition is, are quite content to have its numbers
bolstered by the uneducated and the self-serving, and to use those bloated, artificial
numbers to help prove their argument, while retaining the innocent stance that it’s simply
about avoiding distraction. That is entirely misleading and deceptive, and disillusioning
- as these are the people who profess they want to end the political games. I
don’t think most of them even realize they’re falling into the same devious
routine as those they wish to replace. Shades of George Orwell’s ‘Animal Farm’. That's the nature of the beast, and I implore my friends to progress very carefully indeed.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The masses also claim that if Fontana’s innocent then he
should have said so earlier, despite what his lawyer advised him, and what
every lawyer would advise a client. They would all, apparently, tell their own lawyers
that they’re wrong and would refuse to follow the sound legal advice they’re
paying for. Why are these normally rational people making such preposterous
statements as this? To suggest that a person under investigation who doesn’t
proclaim his innocence publicly is likely guilty of something, is a huge slap in the
face to the most sacred aspect of our legal system.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If they could step back, though I think most are too far down
the hole for that now, they might ask themselves why they’re so deeply entrenched with
many whom they are usually at odds with. I've witnessed some strange bedfellows in London, but this situation has created the strangest by far.<br />
<br />
And also ask themselves why they let a newspaper that is, or should be, a major part of the story, set the framework for how the story should be told, and how
it should unfold, and use that paper’s articles to support their stance. In any
other case, they would find that ludicrous. But not this one time. Why?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ask why, when after a month of the source of outrage for so many being that Fontana paid for a
wedding with their money, they barely even noticed that the police are claiming no such thing. Yet that had no effect; the outrage continues unabated, along with the cries that the criminal must pay. Also ask why they’re
willing to let those who have decided he’s guilty without conviction or due
process help improve their numbers if they truly want to change the way the game is played.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ask themselves, as well, if there’s just the most remote possibility they
might be becoming the people they’re so terribly discontent with. If they screw
themselves when they’re sleeping, will they be able to respect themselves in
the morning? I like and respect some of them enough that I believe it’s still
possible for them to ask themselves those questions. Some of them have been completely inspiring to me and I know they have the best of intentions, but if a personal equivalent of 'mission creep' began to effect me without my noticing, he who points it out to me in time is my true friend.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Is Fontana guilty? I don’t know. Should he step down? I don’t
know. These very large questions are beside the point here.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Does the public mentality surrounding these matters concern
and disturb me? Yes. Greatly so.<i> </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>That</i> is the point of this post.</div>
chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-87937424867915133102012-11-17T19:31:00.000-08:002014-03-19T20:20:25.963-07:00If You're Brave Like Me I was discussing with a friend today, the very human fear of death.
It brought to mind a theory I arrived at recently, regarding my own rather flippant attitude on the matter.<br />
<br />
I think, for me, it's quite closely bound to the pursuit of
happiness and the enjoyment of life.<br />
<br />
As long as life doesn't feel like it's
worth living, then death holds no sway over me, and I have an advantage over people content with their lives. They are afraid. I am not. I figure: how much worse can death be? It can only be an improvement over living. Nothingness has to be better than a negative experience. So as long as I can maintain a steadfast lack of enjoyment in life, and be vigilant to avoid any attempts at happiness that may be lurking, I'll be able to make it to the finish line and laugh in the face of death. I will have won. <br />
<br />
It must be terrifying to be enjoying your life, and know it will end. Why would anyone want to subject themselves to such a miserable scenario as that? If life can be a perfectly grueling experience, and I fully understand what it's like to bear these ills, then why the hell <i>not</i> fly to others I know not of?<br />
<br />
<br />
But, perhaps, unlike people
with a healthy, overt fear of death, my fear of it is actually <i>greater</i> than theirs, however well-hidden, but so much greater that I'm willing to forgo a chance at a happy
life - so that I may keep the conscious fear of death at bay.<br />
<br />
It might be time that I accepted a fear of death, so I can begin rejoicing in life. Though being happy - with the stark awareness that the happiness eventually must end - really does sound frightening, and would require a bold leap into actual bravery, rather than my comforting self-assuaging faux bravery. Yikes.<br />
<br />
So if you're brave like me and have no fear of death, ask yourself if it's possible that you've actually been cowardly. Then go do something enjoyable that you've thus far been reluctant to try: living.<br />
<br />
"It's the fool who plays it cool, by making his world a little colder" ~ Paul McCartneychttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6511088553999458023.post-64500449431241592772012-09-09T10:23:00.002-07:002014-03-19T20:23:28.921-07:00my kinda place<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml> <o:OfficeDocumentSettings> <o:RelyOnVML/> <o:AllowPNG/> </o:OfficeDocumentSettings> </xml><![endif]--><br />
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</style> <![endif]--> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Even in a town as small as Circumstance, it took no time at all to find the right sort of people for the right kind of things. For Jack Draper, the right kinds of things were illicit narcotics. He parked in a city lot, paid his fare like a good citizen, and bound off in search of the right people. </span></div><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>On a downtown side street, he noticed a bar called Fat Johnny’s. Upon closer observation, he witnessed a man, unsteady on his feet, pissing on his shoes in the alley beside the establishment. Here we are, thought Jack, and walked in as if he owned the place. </span><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Two small fans on the cracked ceiling laboriously pushed the stale air from one place to another and back again. The windows had been painted black and the only light came from a couple of neon beer logos, and a scattering of bare bulbs that tried to force a little illumination through their cigarette tar-encrusted casings. It was just how the patrons liked it; when they laughed, as they did often and boisterously, the pain in their eyes and the holes in their souls were safely concealed by the gloom.</span></div>chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08069043631513260304noreply@blogger.com0